Review: Morgan Spurlock Made a Star Turn in "Super Size Me"

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 195 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux

Super Size Me (2004)
Running time:  96 minutes (1 hour, 36 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for language, sex and drug references, and a graphic medical procedure
PRODUCER/WRITER/DIRECTOR:  Morgan Spurlock
CINEMATOGRAPHER:  Scott Ambrozy
EDITORS:  Stela Georgieva and Julie Bob Lombardi
Academy Award nominee

DOCUMENTARY - Food

Starring:  Morgan Spurlock, Bridget Bennett, Dr.Lisa Ganjhu, Dr. Daryl Isaacs, Alexandra Jamieson, and Dr. Stephen Siegel

Morgan Spurlock’s documentary Super Size Me dips into a controversial issue:  how much does the fast food industry contribute to America’s obesity “epidemic?”  The question is a national debate that usually centers on the personal responsibility of consumers versus the omnipresent advertising of producers and marketers of convenience foods and of fast food chains, in particular McDonald’s.

In the Super Size Me, Morgan Spurlock is the star, writer, producer, and director.  He, as the lead character (and he is indeed that in this film), eats McDonald’s food products three times a day for 30 days.  The experiment is more like a dangerous stunt, but it sheds more light on an important matter.  Over the course of the film, we get to watch Spurlock’s body and mental fitness literally change as he eats more and more of the poisonous (but surprisingly tasty) slop that is McDonald’s food products.

McDonald’s is an obvious choice, being that they are the biggest fast food chain in the world.  Many people automatically associate the corporation’s name with the term “fast food,” and the corporation is a lightening rod for media attention, something a documentary sorely needs.  Truthfully, few people eat three meals a day at McDonald’s, but many people eat there at least once a day (to which I can personally attest to knowing some) or at least once a week, which many nutritionists consider too often.  However, by going overboard by eating McDonald’s so often, Spurlock makes his point.

Super Size Me isn’t anti-McDonald’s, so much as Spurlock is speaking against the overwhelming marketing presence of the giant corporations that spend over a billion dollars a year in advertising.  His argument is partly that if adults must exercise personal responsibility, don’t fast food companies have any responsibility in selling food they know to be (to put it mildly) unhealthy.

In the end, the most important thing is whether or not Super Size Me works as a documentary.  The film takes an irreverent look at both obesity and at one of the main causes of obesity, fast food chains.  However, the film is a little light on expert testimony.  For all the doctors and nutritionists that appeared, it would be better if Spurlock had interviewed more historians and specialists on the effects of advertising on both adults and children.

Still, Spurlock made a very entertaining, a very informative, and ultimately very convincing film.  He’s is a great lead, very open and giving to both the camera and audience, and that helps to sell his Super Size Me.  If he didn’t give a lot of hard science, he certainly gave a hard reminder about how bad it is to eat too much crappy food.  Super Size Me does that in an engaging, informative, and hilarious way; that counts for a lot.

8 of 10
A

NOTES:
2004 Academy Awards:  1 nomination: “Best Documentary, Features” (Morgan Spurlock)

Updated:  Friday, August 30, 2013

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Review: "Thunderbirds" is a Good Family Film (Happy B'day, Jonathan Frakes)

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 13 (of 2005) by Leroy Douresseaux

Thunderbirds (2004)
Running time:  95 minutes (1 hour, 35 minutes)
MPAA – PG for intense action sequences and language
DIRECTOR:  Jonathan Frakes
WRITERS:  William Osborne and Michael McCullers; from a story by Peter Hewitt and William Osborne (based upon the television series by Gerry Anderson and Sylvia Anderson)
PRODUCERS:  Tim Bevan, Eric Fellner, and Mark Huffman
CINEMATOGRAPHER:  Brendan Galvin
EDITOR:  Martin Walsh
COMPOSERS: Ramin Djawadi and Hans Zimmer

ACTION/ADVENTURE/FAMILY and FANTASY/SCI-FI with elements of comedy

Starring:  Brady Corbet, Soren Fulton, Bill Paxton, Ben Kingsley, Vanessa Anne Hudgens, Anthony Edwards, Sophia Myles, Ron Cook, Deobia (Dhobi) Oparei, Rose Keegan, Phillip Winchester, Dominic Colenso, Ben Torgersen, Lex Shrapnel, Harvey Virdi, Bhasker Patel, Demetri Goritsas, Genie Francis, and Andy Smart

The subject of this movie review is Thunderbirds, a 2004 science fiction and action-adventure film from director Jonathan Frakes (best known as “Commander William T. Riker” of “Star Trek: The Next Generation”).  This film is loosely based on the 1960s British science fiction television series, “Thunderbirds” (1965-66), created by Gerry and Sylvia Anderson.  This Thunderbirds movie features live-action, human actors portraying the characters, while the television series used “Supermarionation” marionettes (a kind of puppet) as the characters.

Thunderbirds 2004 finds the Thunderbirds’ trapped and their secret base invaded by their arch-nemesis, and only the youngest Thunderbird is free to save the day.  I like this film’s story, but I would have preferred marionettes playing the characters.  However, I was shocked to find that I really enjoyed this movie, which owes as much to the Spy Kids franchise as it does to the Thunderbirds TV series.

After narrowly averting an oil rig disaster and rescuing a small group of rig workers, the Thunderbirds, led by papa Jeff Tracy (Bill Paxton), return home to their secret headquarters, Tracy Island, a lush patch of land that hides a giant secret base, the home of the Thunderbirds’ organization, International Rescue.  What the Thunderbirds don’t know is that a tracking device was placed on their rescue vehicle by a henchman of long-time Thunderbird adversary, The Hood (Ben Kingsley).

The Hood launches an attack on Thunderbird 5, IR’s secret space station.  Jeff Tracy and three of the older boys rush off to TB5 to rescue eldest son John (Lex Shrapnel), who operates the station.  The Hood invades Tracy Island and takes over Thunderbird headquarters from where he launches another attack that traps Jeff and his fours sons on TB5.  Now, it’s up to youngest son and headstrong troublemaker, Alan Tracy (Brady Corbet), to gain maturity beyond his years if he’s going to rescue his father and brothers and stop The Hood’s diabolical plan to rob the biggest banks in the world.  Luckily he has his friends Fermat (Soren Fulton) and Tin Tin (Vanessa Anne Hudgens) to help him, and here comes Lady Penelope (Sophia Myles) and her driver/butler Parker (Ron Cook) on the way.

Of course, Thunderbirds is the live-action update of the hit 1960’s British TV series and cult favorite, “Thunderbirds,” created by Gerry Anderson and his wife, Sylvia.  Obviously some people are going to have a difficult time accepting human actors in place of the series original “actors,” marionettes.  However, this is a fun family movie in the vein of the Spy Kids and Agent Cody Banks franchises.  The focus is not on the Thunderbirds as a team, but more on Alan Tracy and his friends Fermat and Tin Tin as a sort of makeshift young Thunderbirds.

That aside, Thunderbirds is a great kids action movie, superbly directed by Jonathan Frakes, best known as Commander William T. Riker of “Star Trek: The Next Generation,” but Frakes has also directed several episodes of various TV series and a few feature films.  Frakes and the screenwriters deftly keep the action exciting without being intense, and they flirt with bawdy humor via verbal gags, taking advantage of Fermat and his father, Brains’ (Anthony Edwards) stuttering.

Bill Paxton seems to need half the film to warm up to playing Jeff Tracy, and Ben Kingsley is simply having fun, although he’s always a regal presence.  Nevertheless, the stars are the young trio of Alan Tracy, Fermat, and Tin Tin, and the young actors, who give striking performances, gamely carry this nice family thrill ride.

7 of 10
B+

Updated:  Monday, August 19, 2013

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Review: "The Forgotten" - Good Premise, Poor Execution (Happy B'day, James Horner)

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 193 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux

The Forgotten (2004)
Running time:  96 minutes (1 hour, 36 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for intense thematic material, some violence, and brief language
DIRECTOR:  Joseph Ruben
WRITER:  Gerald Di Pego
PRODUCERS:  Bruce Cohen, Dan Jinks, and Joe Roth
CINEMATOGRAPHER:  Anastas N. Michos
EDITOR:  Richard Francis-Bruce
COMPOSER:  James Horner

MYSTERY/THRILLER with elements of sci-fi and horror

Starring:  Julianne Moore, Dominic West, Christopher Kovaleski, Anthony Edwards, Gary Sinise, Alfre Woodard, Kathryn Faughnan, Linus Roache, and Robert Wisdom with J. Tucker Smith

The subject of this movie review is The Forgotten, a 2004 mystery and psychological thriller starring Julianne Moore.  The film follows a woman who delves into a strange conspiracy after being told that her son never existed.

The Forgotten is a riveting mystery thriller, but as the films moves through its plot, the film becomes ever more fantastical and, at time, eye-rolling ridiculous.  Still, the film has it’s moments, enough to earn it a recommendation as something to watch at home, either via DVD, video, or television.

The Forgotten begins with wife and mother Telly Paretta (Julianne Moore) grieving over the loss of her eight-year old son, Sam (Christopher Kovaleski), in a plane accident 14 months prior.  However, of the course of a few days, evidence of Sam’s existence starts to disappear, and before long, even Telly’s husband, Jim (Anthony Edwards), claims that they never had a son.  But Telly is damn sure she had a boy.

She meets Ash Correll (Dominic West), the father of one of Sam’s best friends, but Ash doesn’t remember having a daughter.  Telly eventually convinces Ash to remember his child, and that’s about the time agents from the National Security Agency (NSA) and the police start coming around looking for Telly and Ash.  That not only convinces Telly that she did have a son, but that Sam might still be alive.  As she delves deeper into the mystery, she discovers that hugely powerful and ominous forces may be behind the abduction of her son.

The premise of a mother fighting to convince other people that the memories of her dead son are the recollections of a real child and not the delusions of a psychotic is actually good.  If only The Forgotten had stuck with that.  The basic premise becomes an abduction story, a government conspiracy tale, and way-out-there sci-fi trick, and though The Forgotten has its moments, the film is ultimately a warmed over rehash of themes from “The Twilight Zone,” “Outer Limits,” and “The X-Files.”  In addition to that, The Forgotten wouldn’t stand out as a “best of” in any of those TV series.  The ploy is too make you think you’re getting a good mystery about a woman fighting for her memories of her deceased child, and you’re ultimately getting something else.  The “abduction” special effects are admittedly quite neat and a good reason to see the film.

The performances are flimsy, with Moore being the most effective and most annoying.  Her Telly Paretta is sometimes sympathetic, but mostly the character does come across as a whiny, obsessed, paranoid delusional.  For all that you might want her to find her child, you’d really like her to shut up sometimes.  The film also features a few other actors wasted in small, trashy parts including Gary Sinise, Alfre Woodard, and Linus Roache.

5 of 10
C+

Updated:  Wednesday, August 14, 2013

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Review: "Blade: Trinity" is An Average End to a Special Franchise (Happy B'day, Wesley Snipes)

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 240 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux

Blade: Trinity (2004)
Running time: 105 minutes (1 hour, 45 minutes)
MPAA – R for strong pervasive violence and language, and some sexual content
DIRECTOR:  David S. Goyer
WRITER:  David S. Goyer (based upon characters by Marv Wolfman and Gene Colan)
PRODUCERS:  Wesley Snipes, Peter Frankfurt, Lynn Harris, and David S. Goyer
CINEMATOGRAPHER:  Gabriel Beristain
EDITORS:  Conrad Smart and Howard E. Smith
COMPOSERS:  Ramin Djawadi and The RZA

ACTION/HORROR/FANTASY

Starring:  Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson, Ryan Reynolds, Jessica Biel, Parker Posey, Cascy Beddow, Dominic Purcell, Triple H (Paul Michael Levesque), Natasha Lyonne, Eric Bogosian, Vitaly Kravchenko, James Remar, and Patton Oswalt

The subject of this movie review is Blade: Trinity, a 2004 vampire horror and superhero action movie from writer-director David S. Goyer.  It is the third and final movie in the Blade film series produced by New Line Cinema.  Blade: Trinity finds Blade a wanted man by the FBI and forced to unite with a band of vampire hunters called the Nightstalkers in order to battle his most challenging opponent ever, Dracula.

Early in Blade: Trinity, a group of vampires by led nasty girl vamp princess, Danica Talos (Parker Posey), awakens the original vampire, Dracula (Dominic Purcell), who is buried deep within a pyramid in Iraq.  Apparently, the vampires are desperate to rid themselves of their mortal enemy, the vampire hunter, Blade (Wesley Snipes), aka the Daywalker, and hope Dracula, who goes by the name Drake, will defeat Blade.  Meanwhile, Danica and her crew have also set Blade up so that he mistakenly kills a human he thinks is a vampire.  The murder sets the corrupt police and media against him.  The FBI track Blade to his new lair and launch an attack.  During the strike, Blade’s mentor, father figure, and weapons creator, Abraham Whistler (Kris Kristofferson), is killed, and the FBI captures Blade.

Enter The Nightstalkers, a group of human vampire hunters, Blade never knew existed.  One of them is Abigail Whistler (Jessica Biel), Abraham Whistler’s out-of-wedlock daughter, and she is an ass-kicking, bow-hunting babe who doesn’t flinch from going toe to toe with bloodsuckers.  Add a third partner to Blade and Abigail, and you have a trinity.  The third player is the buff, wise-cracking Hannibal King (Ryan Reynolds), who was once turned into a vampire, and later cured by Abigail.  Together, the trio must hunt down Drake and his vampire cabal and stop them from implementing the vampire final solution against humanity.

Blade: Trinity is the least in terms of quality of the three Blade films, but it still manages to be a thrill (sometimes).  Writer/director David S. Goyer (who also wrote the screenplays for the previous Blade films) and cinematographer Gabriel Beristain (who also shot Blade II) were also determined to make this film look different from the previous two.  Blade: Trinity looks like an extended music video, but the photography has the crystal clear quality of digital video, so much so that the film looks like a television program shot in high definition.  Goyer also dropped a lot of the muddy and murky CGI that didn’t always work in Blade II.

It’s the performances that really hamper Blade: Trinity; in fact, it wouldn’t be too mean to say that the acting is atrocious.  Wesley Snipes always played Blade as stoic, with little to say except for a few lines delivered in a thuggish monotone.  However, Snipes is often too stiff, here.  He’s is too “in character,” and that keeps Blade from interacting with the other characters.  Granted Blade is a loner, but he goes overboard this time.  There are huge segments in this film in which he hardly utters more than a few grumbles.  Thankfully, towards the end of the film, he does come to life as a badass delivering the kind of lines that would fit right into a blaxtiploitation or Quentin Tarantino movie.

Ryan Reynolds really tries to liven up this film as Hannibal King, but rarely is anybody up to his challenge.  His lines are always funny, but often fall flat or are lost in the moroseness of the rest of the cast.  Jessica Biel is almost undead herself in this film, but she’s fine and pretty and moves well; that saves her performance (a little).  Parker Posey is miscast and is made up to look like an ugly, pasty-white trash, hag vampire.  Though she has a (very) few moments, she’s simply annoying.  If Dominic Purcell gets anything out of this film, it’s that he’s one of the worst and least intriguing Dracula’s in cinema history; that would include Dracula’s that have appeared in Scooby-Doo cartoons and other Hanna-Barbera animated programs.

The stiff (non) acting is what makes Blade: Trinity seem so listless and clunky for about half the film’s running time – that and the fact that the vampires spend most of the time brooding and hiding in their tacky skyscraper/palace.  Blade: Trinity is as much a hunt as it is a waiting game, but the waiting is the hardest part.  The film is pretty to look at, and the film score (co-written by The RZA of The Wu-Tang Clan who also co-wrote music for Tarantino’s Kill Bill films) and soundtrack are killer.  But for all the credit I give Goyer, the film’s plot is… dumb and stretched thin, and falls apart to almost nonexistence.  At times, the film is lethargic and meanders, playing a waiting game until the final act.  Though I love Blade, even I have to admit that unless you’re a fan of the series, you can catch this one when it’s on home video.

5 of 10
B-

Update:  Wednesday, July 31, 2013

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Review: "Melinda and Melinda," Good Cast, Average Movie

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 8 (of 2006) by Leroy Douresseaux

Melinda and Melinda (2004)
Running time:  99 minutes (1 hour, 39 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for adult situations involving sexuality, and some substance material
WRITER/DIRECTOR:  Woody Allen
PRODUCER:  Letty Aronson
CINEMATOGRAPHER:  Vilmos Zsigmond
EDITOR:  Alisa Lepselter

COMEDY/DRAMA

Starring:  Radha Mitchell, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Will Ferrell, Amanda Peet, Jonny Lee Miller, Chloë Sevigny, Steve Carell, Josh Brolin, Vinessa Shaw, Daniel Sunjata, Geoffrey Nauffts, Wallace Shawn, Larry Pine, Stephanie Roth Haberle, and Neil Pepe

The subject of this movie review is Melinda and Melinda, a 2004 comedy and drama from writer/director Woody Allen.  The film follows two alternating stories about a woman named Melinda’s attempts to straighten out her life.  Fox Searchlight Pictures gave the film a limited release in the United States in March of 2005.  Except for a cameo, Allen does not appear as a significant character in this film.

Over a meal at a restaurant, four friends, two of them playwrights, discuss the essence of life.  Is it comic or tragic?  One of them brings up a story he heard from friends about the unexpected arrival of young woman named Melinda (Radha Mitchell) at a dinner party.  The two playwrights, one who writes tragedies and the other who composes hit comedies, take the incident with Melinda and embellish it, each from his point of view.

Max the Tragedian (Larry Pine) tells a story of doomed love with Melinda as a disturbed young woman who returns to New York City after having several years of misfortune and heartbreak.  She was the bored housewife of a Midwestern doctor, and her affair with a photographer ended the marriage.  Her ex-husband also took the children from Melinda, and her subsequent suicidal depression landed her straight-jacketed in a mental ward.  She arrives at the home of her friend, Laurel (Chloë Sevigny), like Melinda a former Park Avenue princess, and Laurel’s husband, Lee (Jonny Lee Miller), a struggling actor and alcoholic.  Melinda’s arrival hastens the disintegration of Laurel and Lee’s marriage, but Melinda meets Ellis Moonsong (Chiwetel Ejiofor), a smooth talking, handsome, and debonair composer.  They strike up what looks like a promising romance until Ellis notices someone else…

Sy the Comedian (Wallace Shawn) looks at Melinda’s predicament as a romantic comedy.  She is the childless downstairs neighbor of the dinner hosts, an ambitious indie filmmaker named Susan (Amanda Peet) and her husband, Hobie (Will Ferrell) an under-employed actor.  Sy’s Melinda is also coming off a broken relationship, so Hobie befriends Melinda in an attempt to help her find a new love.  However, Hobie falls for Melinda, but he has to suffer in silence when she unexpectedly starts dating an amiable and handsome broker (Daniel Sunjata).  Thus, the film goes back and forth contrasting the fate of each Melinda.

Melinda and Melinda is a decent Woody Allen film, and it’s also a bit different from most of his pictures.  For one thing, he only makes a cameo appearance in the opening sequence that most viewers will probably miss.  However, Will Ferrell’s Hobie of the comedic half of Melinda and Melinda is the stand-in for the neurotic, smart-talking type Allen plays in his films.  The tragic half of the film is quite engaging, but not overly dark and tragic, perhaps because the cast plays it so smoothly and low key.  Mitchell gives a solid performance, and Chiwetel Ejiofor (Dirty Pretty Things) plays Ellis Moonsong as a romantic figure, which lightens up a segment that plays heavily on the notion of doomed relationships.

On the other hand, Ferrell’s performance overwhelms Radha Mitchell’s in the comedic half of the film, and that’s not a bad thing.  The romantic comic angle is mostly flat, and the romance isn’t engaging.  The more Ferrell is on screen the more his comic timing and acting come forward and livens a dull segment into something mildly amusing and somewhat engaging.

Though I’m sad to admit it, I found Melinda and Melinda to be about an average film, sometimes even a chore to watch, and it would be an average film even if someone other than Woody Allen’s name were on it.

5 of 10
C+

Friday, January 13, 2006

Updated:  Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Review: "White Chicks" Has Outlasted it Critics (Happy B'day, Marlon Wayans)

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 107 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux

White Chicks (2004)
Running time:  109 minutes (1 hours, 49 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for crude and sexual humor, language, and some content
DIRECTOR:  Keenen Ivory Wayans
WRITERS:  Keenen Ivory Wayans, Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Andrew McElfresh, Michael Anthony Snowden, and Xavier Cook; from a story by Keenen Ivory Wayans, Shawn Wayans, and Marlon Wayans
PRODUCERS:  Rick Alvarez, Lee R. Mayes, Keenen Wayans, Marlon Wayans, and Shawn Wayans
CINEMATOGRAPHER:  Steven Bernstein (D.o.P.)
EDITOR:  Jeffrey Stephen Gourson and Stuart Pappé
COMPOSER:  Teddy Castellucci

COMEDY

Starring:  Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Jaime King, Frankie Faison, Lochlyn Munro, John Heard, Busy Philipps, Terry Crews, Brittany Daniel, Eddie Velez, Jessica Cauffiel, Maitland Ward, Anne Dudek, Rochelle Aytes, Jennifer Carpenter

The subject of this movie review is White Chicks, a 2004 buddy cop and crime comedy from director Keenen Ivory Wayans.  The film stars brothers Shawn and Marlon Wayans as two African-American cops who don white-face and drag in order to disguise themselves as two wealthy, young White women.

Kevin (Shawn Wayans) and Marcus Copeland (Marlon Wayans) are two FBI agents with a penchant for doing things on their own that usually gets them into trouble.  After botching a drug bust, they need something to get them back in the good graces of their boss, Section Chief Elliott Gordon (Frankie Faison).  Assigned to pick up two hotel heiresses, the Wilson Sisters, from the airport, Kevin and Marcus also manage to screw that up.

However, an unknown party has threatened to kidnap the sisters during their weekend in the Hamptons.  Kevin and Marcus resolve to foil the plot by adopting the sisters’ identities.  Add state-of-the art makeup and Kevin and Marcus are suddenly white girls.  Before long, they’re undercover living it up as the Wilsons, but how long can they fool the girls’ friends and their fellow FBI agents?  And most importantly, can they fool the kidnappers?

White Chicks isn’t a great movie, but like director Keenen Ivory Wayans’ other directorial efforts, the film is so funny that it might make you howl.  The plot is not even thick enough to be paper thin, and its bare existence is strictly as a prop for the premise – two black men use state-of-the-art makeup to be white chicks.  The script, by the three Wayans and three other screenwriters, is a succession of silliness meant to be funny, and most of the time, it works.

Though the Internet might be filled with the cacophony of idiots crying that White Chicks is reverse racism – black people making fun of whites (as if African-American filmmakers could make up for nearly a century of horrific screen images of black folk), the film is respectful towards its subject matter; it’s more laughing with than at.  All the characters are foils and butts of jokes; no one is really treated as being better than anyone else.  Even the film’s villain is hardly menacing.  White Chicks is about laughs and having a good time at the movies.  It might fail at being film art, but it’s funny.

6 of 10
B

NOTES:
2005 Razzie Awards:  5 nominations:  “Worst Actress” (Shawn Wayans and Marlon Wayans - The Wayans Sisters), “Worst Director” (Keenen Ivory Wayans), “Worst Picture” (Columbia and Revolution), “Worst Screen Couple” (Shawn Wayans and Marlon Wayans - The Wayans Brothers: In or Out of Drag), and “Worst Screenplay” (Keenen Ivory Wayans, Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Andrew McElfresh, Michael Anthony Snowden, and Xavier Cook)

Update: Tuesday, July 23, 2013

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Review: "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen" Rules Only for Young'uns (Happy B'day, Lindsay Lohan)

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 128 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004)
Running time: 89 minutes (1 hour, 29 minutes)
MPAA – PG for mild thematic elements and brief language
DIRECTOR: Sara Sugarman
WRITER: Gail Parent (based upon the book by Dyan Sheldon)
PRODUCERS: Jerry Leider and Robert Shapiro
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Stephen H. Burum (D.o.P.)
EDITOR: Anita Brandt Burgoyne
COMPOSER: Mark Mothersbaugh

COMEDY/FAMILY/MUSIC

Starring: Lindsay Lohan, Alison Pill, Adam Garcia, Glenne Headly, Eli Marienthal, Carol Kane, Megan Fox, Shelia McCarthy, Tom McCamus, Richard Fitzpatrick, and Sheila Sealy-Smith

The subject of this movie review is Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, a 2004 family comedy and teen musical from Walt Disney Pictures. The film is based on the 1999 young adult novel, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, by Dyan Sheldon.

In the movie, Lohan plays a teenage girl who acts as if New York City revolves around her, but finds herself competing for attention after her family movies to the suburbs. Every time I see the movie poster for Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, I think, “Great poster, not great at all movie.”

Her name is Mary Steppes (Lindsay Lohan), but she wants to be called “Lola” instead of Mary. Lola is also an avowed New York teenager, but her social life is uprooted when her mother (Glenne Headly) moves the family to Dellwood, New Jersey. Determined to be popular at her new high school, she challenges the reigning Queen Bee, Carla (Megan Fox), for the lead role in a modern retelling of George Bernard Shaw’s Pygmalion.

However, the biggest trick she wants to pull is to get into the farewell concert and after party of her favorite band, Sidarthur. So she drags her conservative, take-no-chances friend, Ella (Alison Pill), along for the ride, but will it cost her Ella’s friendship and her plum role in the musical?

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen is a pleasant, but mediocre teen film that will likely find a place only in the hearts of preteen girls and young women just getting into their teenage years. Lindsay Lohan gives her usually spirited performance, and it takes everything she gives (while this is admittedly nowhere near her best) this show to make it tolerable. Luckily co-star Alison Pill’s character is mildly interesting, so the film only rests on Ms. Lohan young, but broad, star presence shoulders 98% of the time. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen should be good for the kids, but may likely bore everyone else.

4 of 10
C

Updated: Tuesday, July 02, 2013

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Review: "New York Minute" is Surprisingly Fun (Happy B'day, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen)

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 70 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux

New York Minute (2004)
Running time: 94 minutes (1 hour, 34 minutes)
MPAA – PG for mild sensuality and thematic elements
DIRECTOR: Dennie Gordon
WRITERS: Emily Fox, and Adam Cooper and Bill Collage, from a story by Emily Fox
PRODUCERS: Denise Di Novi, Ashley Olsen, Mary-Kate Olsen, and Robert Thorne
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Greg Gardiner
EDITORS: Roderick Davis and Michael Jablow
COMPOSER: George S. Clinton
Razzie Awards nominee

COMEDY/FAMILY/ADVENTURE with elements of action

Starring: Ashley Olsen, Mary-Kate Olsen, Eugene Levy, Andy Richter, Riley Smith, Jared Padalecki, Dr. Drew Pinsky, Darrell Hammond, Andrea Martin, Mary Bond Davis, Jack Osbourne, and Bob Saget

I’m glad I saw Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s new film, New York Minute. I don’t have to blush when saying that I had a grand time watching it. In the film, Jane Ryan (Ashley Olsen), an uptight overachiever (a 4.2 g.p.a. to boot) travels to New York City to give a major speech at Columbia University for a competition to win a scholarship to Oxford University. Her sister, the rebellious Roxy (Mary-Kate Olsen), is going to skip school so that she can attend a video shoot in NYC for the band A Simple Plan. Roxy hopes to slip demo recording of her band to Simple Plan’s A & R representatives.

The sisters don’t see eye to eye, but they have to work together for the first time in years. Jane looses her all important day planner (which held her speech note cards), and an overzealous truancy officer named Max Lomax (Eugene Levy) is hot on Roxy’s trail. A low rent thug wannabe (Andy Richter) is after the girls because they have something he wants. On the run in the Big Apple, the girls have to use every bit of their resourcefulness to overcome their obstacles, and maybe there’ll be time to find new boyfriends.

Simply put, the film is a hoot and quite fun to watch. It’s not empty or vacuous, although the (a tad bit) overly fantastic film demands that you suspend disbelief. The film has some nice messages about family, and there’s something about watching those Olsen girls working together that’s oddly appealing. They have real charisma and charm, and of course, they’re incredibly gorgeous. And we have to give it up; they’re pretty good comic actresses and together have good screen chemistry.

The director Dennie Gordon and the screenwriters have carefully crafted a film that plays to the girls’ charming screen personalities. That the filmmakers make sure that the leads can carry this delightful farce for almost an hour and a half with hardly a misstep is worthy of notice. The supporting cast is good, though this isn’t one of Eugene Levy’s better outings. Every kids/teen/family flick needs a good soundtrack, and New York Minute has a pretty good one with a (shockingly) tolerable Simple Plan song.

This will probably end up being one of the better family films of the year, and if you’re not a jaded adult, you might relax for a little while and enjoy this delightful girl romp.

7 of 10
A-

NOTES:
2005 Razzie Awards: 2 nominations: “Worst Actress” (Mary-Kate Olsen, Ashley Olsen) and “Worst Screen Couple” (Mary-Kate Olsen and Ashley Olsen)

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Will Smith Wags "Shark Tale" to Success

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 203 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux


Shark Tale (2004)
Running time: 90 minutes (1 hour, 30 minutes)
MPAA – PG for some mild language and crude humor
DIRECTORS: Bibo Bergeron, Vicky Jenson, and Rob Letterman
WRITERS: Damian Shannon, Mark Swift, Michael J. Wilson, and Rob Letterman
PRODUCERS: Bill Damaschke, Janet Healy, and Allison Lyon Segan
EDITORS: Nick Fletcher with Peter Lonsdale and John Venzon
COMPOSER: Hans Zimmer
Academy Award nominee

ANIMATION/COMEDY/FAMILY

Starring: (voices) Will Smith, Robert De Niro, Renée Zellweger, Angelina Jolie, Jack Black, Martin Scorsese, Ziggy Marley, Doug E. Doug, Michael Imperioli, Vincent Pastore, Peter Falk, Katie Couric, and Phil LaMarr

The subject of this movie review is Shark Tale, a 2004 computer-animated comedy film from DreamWorks Animation. Shark Tale stars Will Smith as a worker fish and Jack Black as a vegetarian shark who take advantage of a gangster shark’s death.

Oscar (voice of Will Smith) the fish lives in the low end of the reef. He works at a whale (think car) wash, but he’d like to be a rich, famous somebody. Lenny (Jack Black) is a vegetarian shark, but his father, Don Lino (Robert De Niro), a shark mob boss, wants him to be tough so that he can run the family business with his brother, Frankie (Michael Imperioli). Oscar and Lenny & Frankie have an accidental encounter that leaves Frankie dead. Through a series of unfortunate misunderstandings, Oscar gets credit for killing Frankie and becomes known as “the shark slayer.” Oscar befriends Lenny and the two help each other; Oscar gives Lenny a place to hide, and the shark helps the fish perpetuate the myth of Oscar being a shark slayer. However, all that wealth and fame make Oscar forget his roots, and he fails to see that his friend Angie (Renée Zellweger), has been there for him all along. And his troubles only get worse when Don Lino comes looking for the shark slayer, and Don Lino isn’t awed like everyone else at the reputation of the shark slayer.

I could never imagine Disney using African-American or Black subcultures as a stylistic basis for one of their animated films, but DreamWorks does just that with Shark Tale. The computer-animated tale uses lots of hip hop attitude and music and a little of its slang, mostly through the performance of actor Will Smith. The film isn’t hip hop heavy, but Shark Tale has enough hip hop-ness to be noticeable.

Hip hop aside, Shark Tale is a very entertaining film, mostly on the strength of Will Smith’s performance, and Smith seems to chose material that he has to save on the strength of his personality. Is that some kind of martyr complex? Shark Tale isn’t all that well directed or written. The film is well cast; even famed movie director Martin Scorsese surprises with a small but wiry voice over performance. However, Scorsese, like everyone except Will Smith, has little with which to work. The film, especially on the writing end, treats the cast like window dressing, but still, the supporting cast gives inspired performances as window dressing.

Shark Tale’s premise, both Oscar’s plot and Lenny’s subplot, are actually effective and intriguing; both however are glossed over. Oscar has some serious self-confidence issues, and Lenny is certainly…a fish out of water with his family. The script focuses on jokes over the substance of overcoming obstacles. Still, Shark Tale is very entertaining, and visually, it’s a vast improvement in the quality of the computer animation over other DreamWorks computer animated films.

So how does Shark Tale compare to the Oscar®-winning, Finding Nemo, which is also an undersea tale? Finding Nemo has more heart, and the screenwriters took time to delve into the character issues and the humanity of the players. Shark Tale creates obstacles for the characters and then sweeps everything under the rug, whereas Nemo saw the characters through heartaches all the way to victory. While it may come up short on that end, Shark Tale still deserves credit for what it does right. It lets a charming film personality and movie star do his thing, and boy, does Will Smith do his thang.

7 of 10
B+

NOTES:
2005 Academy Awards, USA: 1 nomination: “Best Animated Feature Film of the Year” (Bill Damaschke)

2005 BAFTA Awards: 1 nomination: “BAFTA Children's Award-Best Feature Film” (production team)

Review: "Before Sunset" is an All-Time Great Romance

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 234 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux

Before Sunset (2004)
Running time: 80 minutes (1 hour, 20 minutes)
MPAA – R for language and sexual references
DIRECTOR: Richard Linklater
WRITERS: Julie Delpy, Ethan Hawke, and Richard Linklater; from a story by Kim Krizan and Richard Linklater (based upon characters by Kim Krizan and Richard Linklater)
PRODUCERS: Anne Walker-McBay and Richard Linklater
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Lee Daniel
EDITOR: Sandra Adair
Academy Award nominee

ROMANCE/DRAMA

Starring: Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy

The subject of this movie review is Before Sunset, a 2004 romantic drama from director Richard Linklater. It is the sequel to the 1995 film, Before Sunrise. Set nine years after the first film, Before Sunset follows the young American man and young French woman who first met on a train and spent a night in Vienna as they reunite in Paris.

It’s been nine years since Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Celine (Julie Delpy) first met in Vienna. Back then they promised to meet again in six months, but it didn’t happen. Now, Jessie is on the European leg of his book tour. He’s in Paris for a book signing session at a small (and intimate) book store when he spies Celine off to the side… and they pick up where they left off nine years ago.

It must seem nearly impossible that Before Sunset, Richard Linklater’s sequel to his romance classic, Before Sunrise, surpasses the original. Just as in the first film, the lead characters talk and talk and talk, but this time there is the baggage of nine years of disappointments between their meetings. Whereas, in Sunrise, the talk was existential and about hope and promise, this time every topic leads back to two questions for the characters: What if we had both kept our promise to meet again in Vienna?” and the unspoken question, “Are we supposed to be together.”

Sometimes, when we meet old and dear friends whom we haven’t seen for a long time, we find that we pick up with the relationship right where we left off. Linklater, Hawke, and Ms. Delpy take that phenomenon and turn it into art, art that lives and breathes. Before Sunset is a great romantic film and a great film period – a love idyll about ideal romance. Would that more films be about love rather than hate and make us invest ourselves in the outcome of romantic love. Plus, look out for that knock out surprise ending.

9 of 10
A+

NOTES:
2005 Academy Awards, USA: 1 nomination: “Best Writing, Adapted Screenplay” (Richard Linklater-screenplay/story, Julie Delpy-screenplay, Ethan Hawke-screenplay, and Kim Krizan-story)

Review: "Torque" is Fast, but Not Furious (or even good)

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 87 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux


Torque (2004)
Running time: 84 minutes (1 hour, 24 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for violence, sexuality, language and drug references
DIRECTOR: Joseph Kahn
WRITER: Matt Johnson
PRODUCERS: Brad Luff and Neal H. Moritz
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Peter Levy (D.o.P.)
EDITORS: David Blackburn and Howard E. Smith
COMPOSER: Trevor Rabin

ACTION/CRIME

Starring: Martin Henderson, Ice Cube, Monet Mazur, Matt Schulze, Jay Hernandez, Max Beesley, Joe Doe, Will Yun Lee, Jaime Pressly, Adam Scott, Faizon Love, Justina Muchado, Christina Milian, and Fredro Starr

The subject of this movie review is Torque, a 2004 action movie from director Joseph Kahn. I think of this film as The Fast and the Furious on motorcycles; in fact, one of Torque’s producers, Neal H. Moritz, also produces The Fast and the Furious film franchise. Torque focuses on a motorcyclist who is first framed for murder by an old rival and then, pursued by the murder victim’s brother, the leader of a feared biker gang.

Biker Cary Ford (Martin Henderson) returns to Cali, after spending several months overseas. Not long after Cary returns, an old rival named Henry James (Matt Schulze) frames him for a murder Henry committed. However, Junior (Fredro Starr), the murder victim, is the brother of Trey (Ice Cube), a gang leader who buys the trumped up evidence that Cary killed Junior, and he wants Cary dead. Tie that into the fact that an FBI agent wants to arrest Cary as a drug dealer, and the film Torque has its conflict ducks lined in a row.

Twenty years ago, the Warner Bros. logo would not have appeared at the head of this film; instead the movie company logo that would have appeared in front of a film like Torque would have belonged to such outfits as Cannon Pictures or New World Pictures. I understand and whole-heartedly buy into the concept of popcorn pictures, but Torque is plain bad: bad directing, worse writing, piss poor dialogue, and charisma-less actors. Torque has the power to summon cringes galore, and it is unintentionally funny – not rare in Hollywood pictures, but painful when you’ve already lowered your expectations and are willing to accept even a mediocre movie if it’s mildly entertaining. Torque is not anywhere entertaining.

The last ten minutes, however, are a hoot, and the scene I call “joust of the bitches” is worth the cost of a discounted rental. “Star” Martin Henderson is the lowest of the low-rent Tom Cruise-look-alikes, but no one else in this film is better. Think thrice before you rent this dog.

1 of 10
D-

Review: "13 Going on 30" is a Pleasant Star Vehicle (Happy B'day, Jennifer Garner)

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 189 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux

13 Going on 30 (2004)
Running time: 98 minutes (1 hour, 38 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for some sexual content and brief drug references
DIRECTOR: Gary Winick
WRITERS: Josh Goldsmith and Cathy Yuspa
PRODUCERS: Susan Arnold, Gina Matthews, and Donna Arkoff Roth
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Don Burgess (D.o.P.)
EDITOR: Susan Littenberg
COMPOSER: Theodore Shapiro

FANTASY/COMEDY/DRAMA/ROMANCE

Starring: Jennifer Garner, Mark Ruffalo, Judy Greer, Andy Serkis, Kathy Baker, Phil Reeves, Samuel Ball, Marcia DeBonis, Christa B. Allen, Sean Marquette, Jim Gaffigan, and Swoop Whitebear

The subject of this movie review is 13 Going on 30, a 2004 romantic comedy and fantasy film from director Gary Winick (Letters to Juliet). The film stars Jennifer Garner as a 13-year-old girl who wakes up as a 30-year-old woman.

Thirteen-year old Jenna Rink (Christa B. Allen) hates her life and hates everybody, so on her 13th birthday, she makes a wish that she was grown up. After playing a game in her closet that came to an unhappy conclusion, she falls asleep as magic dust falls on her head, and later awakens to find that she is a 30-year old, hotshot magazine editor. However, there is a lot about her life that the 30-year old Jenna (Jennifer Garner) doesn’t like. She ignores her parents, steals other people’s magazine ideas, and in one tragic instance with a co-worker’s spouse, she is “the other woman.”

Having a hard time, catching onto her adult life, she turns to the one friend she remembers, Matt Flamhaff (Mark Ruffalo), but in the 17 years since her magical 13th birthday party, she’s ignored Matt. Jenna is as cool and as popular as she wanted to be when she was a kid, and she has lots of expensive clothes and a swanky NYC Fifth Avenue apartment. She is, however, forced to realize that she’s been living the high life of which she has no idea and can’t remember, and that her and Matt went their separate ways long ago. Now, she needs him and wants to be the girl she was when 13-year old Matt (Sean Marquette) was her best friend, but can she rebuild that close relationship in the fortnight before Matt’s impending marriage?

I have not been a fan of Jennifer Garner’s work, neither her body of small film roles nor of the popular TV series, “Alias,” in which she has starred since 2001. That was until I saw 13 Going on 30. The film is a puff piece, a re-imagining of the Tom Hanks favorite, Big (1988), in which Hanks plays a boy who gets his wish (sort of) and his body is transformed to adulthood while his personality and mind remain that of a boy. Plot and concept holes fill 13 Going on 30, such as Jenna forgetting the last 17 years of her life, but pretty much remembering how to edit a magazine. Still, it’s Ms. Garner’s charm and her ability to both summon the personality of a child and to expertly portray the child dealing with adult interpersonal relationships: professional, personal, and intimate. 13 Going on 30 may be a flimsy star vehicle (the kind of soft films in which a studio places a rising star in hopes of raising his star power or testing his star potential), but it’s Jennifer Garner who makes this clunky bucket an attractive program model.

7 of 10
B+

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Review: "Catch that Kid" is a Kiddie Action Flick (Happy B'day, Kristen Stewart)

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 13 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux

Catch that Kid (2004)
Running time: 91 minutes (l hour, 31 minutes)
MPAA – PG for some language, thematic elements and rude humor
DIRECTOR: Bart Freundlich
WRITERS: Michael Brandt and Derek Haas (based upon the Danish film Klatreøsen by Nikolaj Arcel, Hans Fabian Wullenweber, and Erlend Loe)
PRODUCERS: Andrew Lazar and Uwe Schott
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Julio Macat
EDITOR: Stuart Levy
COMPOSER: George S. Clinton

ADVENTURE/COMEDY/CRIME/FAMILY with elements of action and thriller

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Corbin Bleu, Max Thieriot, Jennifer Beals, Sam Robards, John Carroll Lynch, James Le Gros, Michael Des Barres, Stark Sands, and Grant Hayden Scott & Shane Avery Scott

The subject of this movie review is Catch that Kid, a 2004 adventure-comedy and crime film from Fox 2000 Pictures, a division of 20th Century Fox. The film is an early starring role for actress Kristen Stewart, who would go on to star in the Twilight films.

Fox’s Catch that Kid, a remake of the smash 2002 Danish film, Klatreøsen (Catch that Girl), is a kind low watt and low-tech version of Spy Kids (lacking the Spy Kids franchise’s imagination and fantastical aspects) and a juvenile version of Mission: Impossible, replete with car chases, computer hacking, and breaking and entering heavily secured structures.

Maddy (Kristen Stewart) is a budding climber, hoping to be like her father, Tom (Sam Robards), who climbed Mount Everest. Tom, however, sustained a severe injury while at Everest, that’s come back to haunt him. Without an expensive, experimental (but highly successful) surgery, he will likely remained mostly paralyzed. When a large multinational bank, for which her mother, Molly (Jennifer Beals, Flashdance), provides high tech security, refuses to loan her family the money, Maddy takes things into her own hands.

She convinces two boy friends to help her bypass the state of the art electronic security, and rob the bank of 250,000 dollars. A complication is that both boys are in love with Maddy and vie for her attention against each other. The computer whiz, Austin (Corbin Bleu), and the mechanically inclined, Gus (Max Thieriot), may, however, have just the talent that when combined with Maddy’s spunk and climbing skills could bring them success

The film is quite well directed by Bart Freundlich, a well-considered director of independent art films. Although the concept is farfetched, the action and jokes should sit well with most kids and even some teens, never mind the moral implications of robbing a bank to save your father’s life.

Catch that Kid is largely meant to be like “Kim Possible” or Totally Spies,” those animated shows where kids go on dangerous missions. Picture this as a high-octane action movie for kids, sans the pyrotechnics and violence. In that light, it’s entertaining (at times, even to more mature minds), and Freundlich keeps the level of suspense high. It may be difficult for adults to identify with kiddie action heroes, but these characters are doing the Tom Cruise or Bruce Willis things for the children.

5 of 10
B-

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Review: "Kill Bill: Volume 2" Gets Better with Age

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 53 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux

Kill Bill: Volume 2 (2004)
Running time: 136 minutes; MPAA – R for violence, language and brief drug use
DIRECTOR: Quentin Tarantino
WRITER: Quentin Tarantino (The Bride character by Uma Thurman and Quentin Tarantino)
PRODUCER: Lawrence Bender
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Robert Richardson (D.o.P.)
EDITOR: Sally Menke
COMPOSER: Robert Rodriguez
Golden Globe nominee

CRIME/DRAMA with elements of Action, Martial Arts, and Thriller

Starring: Uma Thurman, David Carradine, Daryl Hannah, Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Madsen, Lucy Liu, Michael Parks, Jeannie Epper, Perla Haney-Jardine, Caitlin Keats, Chris Nelson, Gordon Liu, LaTanya Richardson, and Bo Svenson

The subject of this movie review is Kill Bill: Volume 2, a 2004 crime drama and martial arts film from writer/director Quentin Tarantino. It is the second of two films that were released within several months of each other. The film follows a character called “The Bride,” who is seeking revenge against her former colleagues.

In Kill Bill: Vol. 2, the sequel or second half of Quentin Tarantino’s film, Kill Bill: Volume 1, The Bride (Uma Thurman) continues her mission of revenge against her former colleagues for killing her husband-to-be and the wedding party and for shooting and leaving her for dead. Most of all, she want her old boss, Bill (David Carradine); he fired the shot in her head that was supposed to kill her. But Bill has a secret named B.B. (Perla Haney-Jardine), so will The Bride be able to handle the shock of meeting B.B.?

Where Kill Bill: Vol. 1 was a stylish martial arts movie done in lively colors with the relentlessness of a revenge movie cum video game, Kill Bill: Vol. 2 is slick, crime drama – part Western and part hard-boiled novella. There’s a movie poster for a film by the late actor, Charles Bronson, used a set piece in the film, and Vol. 2 indeed has the gall of Bronson bullet ballad. Some viewers may be put off by the jarring change of pace from the first film to the second. There are very few fight scenes in 2, and they’re quite short. Only the battle between Elle Driver/California Mountain Snake (Daryl Hannah) and The Bride has the hard-edged intensity of anything near the fisticuffs of the first film.

Still, Kill Bill: Vol. 2 is an example of virtuoso filmmaking and an expert homage to many well known American film genres. Vol. 2 isn’t anywhere near as fun to watch as the first, but for those viewers who have varied tastes in films and movies and who are familiar with many film styles and techniques, Vol. 2 will be exciting to watch. As all his films have been, Kill Bill: Vol. 2 is ultimately worth watching because director Quentin Tarantino simply does so many interesting things. He’s that know-it-all film nerd who can actually make the great film he might say no one else can make, although Kill Bill Volume 2 isn’t that exactly the great film either.

8 of 10
A

NOTES:
2005 Golden Globes, USA: 2 nominations: “Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture” (David Carradine) and “Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama” (Uma Thurman)

2005 Black Reel Awards: 1 nomination: “Best Original Score” (RZA)

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Review: Halle Berry a Mess in the Hot Mess that is "Catwoman"

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 130 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux

Catwoman (2004)
Running time: 104 minutes (1 hour, 44 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for action violence and some sensuality
DIRECTOR: Pitof
WRITERS: John Brancato, Michael Ferris, and John Rogers; from a story by Theresa Rebeck, Michael Ferris and John Brancato (based upon characters created by Bob Kane and Bill Finger)
PRODUCERS: Denise Di Novi and Edward L. McDonnell
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Thierry Arbogast (D.o.P.)
EDITOR: Sylvie Landra
COMPOSER: Klaus Badelt

SUPERHERO/CRIME with elements of action

Starring: Halle Berry, Benjamin Bratt, Sharon Stone, Lambert Wilson, Frances Conroy, Alex Borstein, and Michael Massee

The subject of this movie review is Catwoman, the 2004 American superhero film starring Halle Berry. Berry stars as a character inspired by Catwoman, the DC Comics thief, anti-hero, and sometimes love interest of Batman. Upon its initial release, Catwoman was poorly received by critics and fans of the character, but some of those fans hated the film before it was released because a stunningly gorgeous woman of color, Halle Berry, was playing a character depicted as white in the comic books.

Patience Philips (Halle Berry) works for the behemoth cosmetics company Hedare Beauty. It’s a thankless job, and instead of pursuing a career as an artist, she designs cosmetic advertisements that her tyrannical boss, George Hedare (Lambert Wilson), hates. The woman who won’t stand up for herself eventually experiences a fateful turn of events. She overhears that Hedare’s soon-to-be-launched new anti-aging cream, Beau-line, is dangerous to users and is murdered to keep that fact secret.

Mysterious forces then resurrect Patience with the heightened strength and agility and ultra-keen senses of a cat. Suddenly, Patience is Catwoman, a sexy and seductive creature of the night, straddling that proverbial line between good girl and bad ho. Tom Lone (Benjamin Bratt), a tall, dark, and handsome cop, is on the trail of the Catwoman, and he’s also hot for Patience. Get a clue, flat foot! Catwoman ain’t the criminal. She’s after the real dark force behind Hedare, and it just might be George Hedare’s icy, supermodel wife, Laurel (Sharon Stone).

Directed by Pitof, Catwoman is a thorough mess. The film starts out flat, but with some hope, and only gets worse. Frighteningly dull and irritating clunky, the film is one of the worst movies of the year. And I am disappointed to say that because I’d been hot to see this since I first heard that Ms. Berry had been cast to play Catwoman. The film’s biggest problem may be that it focuses too much on the Patience Philips/Catwoman character, who isn’t very interesting or appealing. The focus on the lead player is a single-minded vision of disaster, because if the other characters had been fully developed, they could have been a diversion from a less interesting lead. As it is, the supporting characters only range from vaguely interesting to cardboard cutouts.

The poorly conceived special effects, the (lack of) directing, the flat acting, the hideous music, the too-fake-looking CGI fight scenes, and Halle Berry’s totally unsexy demeanor make this a dud. Stay home on this one, folks.

3 of 10
D+

NOTES:
2005 Razzie Awards: 4 wins: “Worst Actress” (Halle Berry), “Worst Director” (Pitof), “Worst Picture” ((Warner Bros.), and “Worst Screenplay” (Theresa Rebeck, John D. Brancato, Michael Ferris, and John Rogers); 3 nominations: “Worst Screen Couple” (Halle Berry, Benjamin Bratt, Sharon Stone and Halle Berry & EITHER Benjamin Bratt OR Sharon Stone), “Worst Supporting Actor” (Lambert Wilson), and “Worst Supporting Actress” (Sharon Stone)

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Kevin Hart Shameless in Shameless "Soul Plane"

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 85 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux


Soul Plane (2004)
Running time: 86 minutes (1 hour, 26 minutes)
MPAA – R for strong sexual content, language and some drug use
DIRECTOR: Jessy Terrero
WRITERS: Bo Zenga and Chuck Wilson
PRODUCERS: David Scott Rubin and Jessy Terrero
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Jonathan Sela
EDITOR: Michael R. Miller
COMPOSERS: Christopher Lennertz and RZA

COMEDY

Starring: Tom Arnold, Kevin Hart, Method Man, Snoop Dogg, K.D. Aubert, Godfrey, Brian Hooks, D.L. Hughley, Arielle Kebbel, Mo’Nique, Ryan Pinkston, Missi Pyle, Sofia Vergara, Gary Anthony Williams, Karl Malone, Li’l John, and John Witherspoon

The subject of this movie review is Soul Plane, a 2004 jiggaboo comedy. Kevin Hart stars as a young man who starts his own Black-centric airline, and the story focuses on the maiden voyage of the sole plane in his non-existent fleet.

That white writers (usually from upper middle class backgrounds) wrote sketch comedy making fun of black culture used to piss me off. Why the hell couldn’t Hollywood just hire black writers, I rhetorically asked, to write about blacks since white film and TV executives felt that only whites could write about whites. Well, if the best that black writers and filmmakers can do is Soul Plane, never let a nigga touch another sheet of paper.

When Nashawn Wade (Kevin Hart) wins a $100 million settlement for negligence from an airline, he decides to start his own airline: NWA. Lest you confuse yourself, this NWA is not that N.W.A.; for the sake of this movie the acronym stands for “Nashawn Wade Airline.” In flight meals can be anything from Cristal and filet mignon to Colt .45 and Popeye’s fried chicken. The airline’s one plane is purple and rolls on dubs, and the stewardesses are big booty ho’s in Daisy Dukes. When his cousin (badly played by rapper Method Man) hires an ex-con (Snoop Dogg) to fly the plane, you know there’s going to be trouble and hilarity ensues.

Soul Plane is a poorly made collection of stereotypes, blaxtiploitation, riffs on hip hop culture, deplorable acting, and feeble musical tracks. Except for a few moments, the film is painfully unfunny. In fact, 9.5 of every ten minutes of this film is not funny, although the few good scenes are both shocking, painfully embarrassing, and outrageously hilarious – kind of like Scary Movie 3, but with way fewer yucks. Frankly, it’s more saddening than bad.

The cast is either extraordinarily untalented or just misused. Kevin Hart is a Sambo version of Chris Tucker, and his performance is like a frantic and desperate crackhead trying to be funny. Mo’Nique isn’t in the movie enough, and Tom Arnold (practically the lone salvation of this film) may have his name at the front of the credits, but this is (quite unfortunately) not his film.

1 of 10
D-

"Woman Thou Art Loosed" Stirring, Powerful

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 40 (of 2005) by Leroy Douresseaux


Woman Thou Art Loosed (2004)
Running time: 99 minutes (1 hour, 39 minutes)
MPAA – R for violence, sexual content, and drug use
DIRECTOR: Michael Schultz
WRITER: Stan Foster (from the novel by T.D. Jakes)
PRODUCER: Reuben Cannon
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Reinhart “Rayteam” Peschke
EDITOR: Billy Fox
Black Reel Award winner

DRAMA/RELIGIOUS

Starring: Kimberly Elise, Loretta Devine, Debbi Morgan, Michael Boatman, Clifton Powell, Idalis DeLeon, Bishop T.D. Jakes, Sean Blackmore, Jordan Moseley, Philip Daniel Bolden, Destiny Edmond, and Ricky Harris

The subject of this movie review is Woman Thou Art Loosed, a 2004 religiously-themed drama that is directed by famed African-American filmmaker, Michael Schultz. The film is an adaptation of the 1994 self-help book of the same name.

Woman Thou Art Loosed, adapted from Bishop T.D. Jakes best-selling self-help book for women, begins with Michelle Jordan (Kimberly Elise) committing a murder at a revival. Later, Bishop T.D. Jakes (playing himself) visits Michelle on death row. Told through flashbacks, we then see Michelle, just released from prison and determined not to return to her self-destructive life of drugs, stripping, and prostitution, struggle with the demons of her past, including being molested by her mother Cassey’s (Loretta Devine) boyfriend, Reggie (Clifton Powell). At the encouragement of Twana (Debbi Morgan), a family friend, Michelle begins attending Bishop Jakes’ three-day revival, the scene of Michelle’s ultimate tragedy. Can Bishop Jakes help Michelle to accept the healing power of Jesus’ love?

Woman Thou Art Loosed is a beautiful and spiritually engaging film. What it lacks in refinement and technique, it makes up for with religious fervor. Directed by Michael Shultz (Cooley High and Car Wash among others), who was probably the only black film director to consistently direct movies during the 1970’s and 80’s, the film is mostly disjointed for the first half of its running time. Actually, the film is quite hard to follow for the first 20 minutes or so, but then the narrative seems to miraculously come together and flows smoothly the rest of the way. The tragedy of the film is that the script, which tells a very good and compelling story, is short of characterization and character development. Rich characters fill this story, but we only get a taste of them, just enough to irritate because the story doesn’t give more.

What makes this clunky movie soar is Kimberly Elise’s brilliant and searing portrayal of Michelle, young woman who seemingly can’t stop making bad decisions once her innocence is destroyed when she is a child. Ms. Elise has a magnetic screen presence and her performance as a young woman with trials and tribulations is much truer than Oscar winner Hilary Swank’s tepid routine as a trailer trash boxer in Million Dollar Baby. Also stirring is the ministry and preaching of Bishop Jakes.

Though there are moments in the film when the revival seems a bit over the top, 80 percent of the time, it is awe-inspiring and stirs the soul and awakens the intellect. Bishop Jakes’ message of hope and Ms. Elise’s performance, as well as the other actors who give excellent supporting performances in spite of a limp script, make this a fine religious drama. What it lacks as art, Woman Thou Art Loosed makes up for with spirit and hope.

7 of 10
B+

NOTES:
2005 Black Reel Awards: 2 wins: “Best Actress, Independent Film” (Kimberly Elise) and “Best Director, Independent Film” (Michael Schultz); 2 nominations: “Best Actor, Independent Film” (Clifton Powell) and “Best Independent Film” (Reuben Cannon)

2005 Image Awards: 1 win: “Outstanding Independent or Foreign Film;” 2 nominees: “Outstanding Actress in a Motion Picture” (Kimberly Elise) and “Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture” (Loretta Devine)

Review: "The Day After Tomorrow" is Still Relevant and Entertaining (Happy B'day, Dennis Quaid)

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 83 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux

The Day After Tomorrow (2004)
Running time: 124 minutes (2 hours, 4 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for intense situations of peril
DIRECTOR: Roland Emmerich
WRITERS: Jeffrey Nachmanoff and Roland Emmerich; from a story by Roland Emmerich
PRODUCERS: Roland Emmerich and Mark Gordon
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Ueli Steiger (D.o.P.)
EDITOR: David Brenner
COMPOSERS: Harald Kloser and Thomas Wanker
BAFTA winner

ACTION/ADVENTURE/DRAMA/FANTASY/SCI-FI/THRILLER


Starring: Dennis Quaid, Jake Gyllenhaal, Emmy Rossum, Dash Mihok, Jay O. Sanders, Sela Ward, Austin Nichols, Arjay Smith, Tamlyn Tomita, Ian Holm, Kenneth Welsh, and Perry King

The subject of this movie review is The Day After Tomorrow, the 2004 science fiction and environmental disaster film from director Roland Emmerich (Independence Day). Released by 20th Century Fox, the film is an ensemble drama about people trying to survive a new ice age brought upon by abrupt global warming. The character that is the main focus is a climatologist who is determined to save his son who is trapped in a frozen New York City.

A crack paleoclimatologist, Professor Jack Hall (Dennis Quaid), discovers that the Ice Age is coming back with a vengeance in director Roland  Emmerich’s hip retro cool disaster film, The Day After Tomorrow. Mixing such controversial concepts as the green house effect, global warming, and modern super SFX, the film is truly the movie as roller coaster ride.

After this new Ice Age hits the northern hemisphere with almost unimaginable fury, especially New York City, Hall begins a dangerous track across the frozen face of the northeastern U.S. to reach his son Sam (Jake Gyllenhaal), who is trapped in NYC with a group of fellow students. Meanwhile, the freak weather is tearing half the planet apart.

Although many critics and detractors will cry over the film’s allegedly implausible concept, the important question is always, “Is it good.” Hell, yeah, it’s good. It’s a big, old giant tub of popcorn movie fun. The Day After Tomorrow is also a finely constructed drama and thriller with that just right touch of melodrama that stays one notch below over the top, which is just enough to pull at the old heartstrings. It’s exciting. It’s thrilling. It’s a damn good time at the movies.

Roland Emmerich reaffirms what his film Independence Day hinted – he’s a great movie director. Emmerich does the same thing Martin Scorcese and Steven Spielberg do with a “serious” drama – make the ordinary extraordinary. When it comes to a fun film, The Day After Tomorrow is a keeper.

8 of 10
A

NOTES:
2005 BAFTA Awards: 1 win: “Best Achievement in Special Visual Effects” (Karen E. Goulekas, Neil Corbould, Greg Strause, and Remo Balcells)

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As a Sequel, "The Whole Ten Yards" is an Incomplete Pass

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 55 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux


The Whole Ten Yards (2004)
Running time: 98 minutes (1 hour, 38 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13
DIRECTOR: Howard Deutch
WRITERS: George Gallo; from a story Mitchell Kapner (based upon characters created by Mitchell Kapner)
PRODUCERS: Allan Kaufman, Arnold Rifkin, Elie Samaha, and David Willis
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Neil Roach (D.o.P.)
EDITOR: Seth Flaum
COMPOSER: John Debney

CRIME/COMEDY

Starring: Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry, Amanda Peet, Kevin Pollack, Natasha Henstridge, Frank Collison, Johnny Messner, Silas Weir Mitchell, Tasha Smith, and Ellisa Gallay

The Whole Ten Yards is a 2004 crime comedy. It is also a sequel to the 2000 film, The Whole Nine Yards, a title derived from the popular expression that means completely and everything.

Many critics have already asked, “Why is there a sequel to 2000’s The Whole Nine Yards?” It’s a legitimate question. Nine Yards was a nice crime comedy and caper film with some really neat characters, but half the really good ones bit the bullet or were looking at jail time by the end of the film. Who knows why The Whole Ten Yards exists, but it’s a fairly decent film with a lot of belly laughs, although its plot is almost nonexistent and the script lumbers around like a shooting victim on weak legs.

Lazlo Gogolak (Kevin Pollack) is just out of prison, and he’s looking for his son Yanni’s killer. Yanni (also played by Pollack in the first film) was one of those funny characters that got whacked in Nine Yards. Lazlo knows the killer is Jimmy “The Tulip” Tudeski (Bruce Willis), but he also knows Jimmy is hiding somewhere. So Lazlo finds the next best thing, Jimmy’s former neighbor and the second husband of Jimmy’s ex-wife Cynthia (Natasha Henstridge). That would be hapless fall guy Nick Oseransky or Oz (Matthew Perry), as his friends call him.

When Lazlo kidnaps Cynthia, Oz runs to Jimmy for help and inadvertently leads Lazlo and his band of merry killer idiots to Jimmy’s hideaway in Mexico where he lives with his wife Jill (Amanda Peet), Oz’s former assistant and a budding contract killer. Things aren’t going well for Jimmy and Jill. They’re trying to have a baby, but Jimmy may be shooting blanks. Jimmy also has something Lazlo wants, and Lazlo has something Jimmy wants. Everyone’s playing everyone, and poor Oz, just like the last time, is caught in the middle.

There are numerous hilarious, laugh-out-loud scenes in The Whole Ten Yards. Ten Yards, however, is totally a character driven piece. The plot and story are crippled and confusing, and the story has too much subterfuge for its own good. Even as a character piece, this film feels stretched thin. The actors have to be “on” all the time, or the film will fall apart; thus, a lot of the comedy routines and scenes feel like they go on too long or they’re too over the top. Perry frantically bounces off the walls, but he mostly succeeds in making both his character endearing and the film viewable. Amanda Peet maintains the sexy energy she had the first time. Willis is good, but a lot of his scenes are poorly written and/or staged.

Poor Natasha Henstridge is wasted, as is Kevin Pollack. The Whole Ten Yards is not so much a wasted opportunity as it is a wasted effort. As funny as it can be in moments, it’s largely forgettable and you do have to wonder why it’s here. Still, it’ll make a good rental when you “just want something to watch.”

5 of 10
C+

"Barbershop 2: Back in Business" is a Better Business

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 15 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux


Barbershop 2: Back in Business (2004)
Running time: 106 minutes (1 hour, 46 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for language, sexual material and brief drug references
DIRECTOR: Kevin Rodney Sullivan
WRITER: Don D. Scott (based upon characters created by Mark Brown)
PRODUCERS: Robert Teitel and George Tillman Jr.
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Tom Priestley (D.o.P)
EDITORS: Patrick Flannery and Paul Seydor
COMPOSER: Richard Gibbs

COMEDY with elements of drama

Starring: Ice Cube, Cedric the Entertainer, Sean Patrick Thomas, Eve, Troy Garity, Michael Ealy, Leonard Earl Howze, Queen Latifah, Harry Lennix, Robert Wisdom, Jazsmin Lewis, Kenan Thompson, Javon Jackson, DeRay Davis, Tom Wright, and Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon

Barbershop 2: Back in Business is a hilarious character based comedy that easily surpasses its admittedly funny 2002 predecessor, Barbershop. Like the first one, Barbershop 2 relies on funny characters to carry the movie and a homey setting in Chicago’s Southside to establish the atmosphere.

Shop owner Calvin Palmer (Ice Cube) has settled into being a small business owner, and his shop is thriving. The barbers who rent from Calvin are gregarious people who are fun to be around, so many locals gravitate to Calvin’s shop for a haircut, bawdy jokes, and the generally funny atmosphere.

As in the first film, Calvin is still struggling to save his shop – this time from greedy urban developers who want to buy him and his neighbors out. They want to replace “mom & pop” business with name brand chains – including a rival barbershop called Nappy Cutz. If that wasn’t enough, some of his employees/renters are starting to get on each other’s nerves, so can Calvin save his shop and neighborhood, while dealing with complex and messy interpersonal relationships? However he chooses to deal with problems will certainly involve laugher.

Anyone who liked Barbershop should like the sequel, and I can imagine many people who didn’t like the first will enjoy Barbershop 2, since it is almost twice as funny as the original. Barbershop 2’s script simply has more zest, and the comedy flows naturally. The first time around the laughs became old shtick, and the movie lost steam. The story and plot here is relatively light, and the little guy business versus the corporate devils is a familiar tale. However, the execution of the plot and routines of the characters have a better rhythm and the timing’s impeccable. Every thing seems to happen just when the films needs a boost or needs to move onto the next joke or funny scene. As far as character pieces go, Barbershop is a work of art.

In the end, the filmmakers wrap up Back in Business with a bit too much ease. Even this lightweight story ended up having the potential to say a lot about tradition and community over greed and progress, but maybe they believed that dealing with such weighty subject matters would turn a character comedy into ensemble drama. And we did come for the laughs. What Barbershop 2 misses in dealing with real world issues, it more than makes up for in being a good time, feel good comedy that just may keep audiences laughing for years.

Oh. Barbershop 2 isn’t a BLACK movie. It’s a funny, broad comedy featuring a primarily African-American cast, but it’s laughs and lightweight pass at values should appeal to peoples.

8 of 10
A

NOTES:
2005 Black Reel Awards: 4 nominations: “Best Actor, Musical or Comedy” (Ice Cube), “Best Film, Musical or Comedy” (Robert Teitel and George Tillman Jr.), “Best Screenplay, Original or Adapted” (Don Scott), and “Best Supporting Actor” (Cedric the Entertainer)