Saturday, March 22, 2014

Review: "Legally Blonde 2" is Officially Bad

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 116 (of 2003) by Leroy Douresseaux

Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003)
Running time:  95 minutes (1 hour, 35 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for some sex-related humor
DIRECTOR:  Charles Herman-Wurmfeld
WRITERS:  Kate Kondell; from a story by Eve Ahlert, Dennis Drake, and Kate Kondell (based upon characters created by Amanda Brown)
PRODUCERS:  David Nicksay and Marc Platt
CINEMATOGRAPHER:  Elliot Davis (D.o.P.)
EDITOR:  Peter Teschner
COMPOSER:  Rolfe Kent


Starring:  Reese Witherspoon, Sally Field, Regina King, Jennifer Coolidge, Bruce McGill, Dana Ivey, Bob Newhart, Luke Wilson, J Barton, and Alanna Ubach

The subject of this movie review is Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde, a 2003 comedy starring Reese Witherspoon.  The film is a sequel to the 2001 film, Legally Blonde, which also starred Witherspoon.  In the sequel, Elle Woods heads to Washington D.C. in order to join a congresswoman’s staff and to try and get a bill that bans animal testing passed into law.

If the summer of 2003 tells Hollywood film studios anything it is that sequels don’t always succeed commercially or artistically.  Of course, studio bosses have known that for a while, but to them making sequels seems like a safe bet.  A sequel is a known property with brand awareness, and with the ridiculous cost of making and marketing a movie rising to absurd heights monthly, they go for the safe bet.

Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde will more than likely make a profit for MGM, even with the kind of tricky accounting the film studios usually invoke to claim that their films are flops so they don’t have to honor profit sharing agreements with actors and producers.  Artistically, it’s not even worth talking about, as an examination of subject matter, theme, and characters is an utter waste of time.

As for it’s entertainment value (you know, the simple judgment of whether you like it), Legally Blonde 2 has none.  I’m quite sure that somewhere there are people who really like this, and I did laugh a sort of painful, dry, desperate-to-find-something-to-justify-the-cost-of-my-ticket laugh a few times.  However, I left the theatre ashamed, praying that no one would ask me what movie I’d just left.  I don’t know what would have been worse, having some nappy-headed homeboy call me a faggot for seeing it or having one of the theatre’s employees laugh at me behind my back because they knew.  Lord, they knew how bad it was.  And they never told me.

There’s a plot, or something like a plot, but right now I only feeling like telling you that this film is just plain awful.  Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon) goes to Washington D.C. to work for her friend Rep. Victoria Rudd (Sally Field) so that Elle can fight for a law that outlaws cosmetic companies from testing their products on animals.  Apparently, it’s okay for Reese and her studio compatriots to test poisonous cinema products on us.  Regina King plays the most pathetic traitorous Negro since Billy Dee played Lando in The Empire Strikes Back, but at least she was better than the rest of the supporting cast, whom the film reduced to playing naked paper dolls.  Sally Field, her face shockingly showing such age and wear, looked as if she wanted to cry every time she had to be in front of the camera.  I feel you, sista girl.

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Updated:  Saturday, March 22, 2014

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