Review: "Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle" Sputters

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 100 (of 2003) by Leroy Douresseaux


Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle (2003)
Running time: 106 minutes (1 hour, 46 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for action violence, sensuality and language/innuendo
DIRECTOR: McG
WRITERS: John August and Cormac Wibberley and Marianne Wibberley, from a story by John August (from the television program created by Ivan Goff and Ben Roberts)
PRODUCERS: Drew Barrymore, Leonard Goldberg, and Nancy Juvonen
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Russell Carpenter (D.o.P.)
EDITOR: Wayne Wahrman
COMPOSER: Edward Shearmur
Razzie Award winner

ACTION/ADVENTURE/COMEDY/MYSTERY

Starring: Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Lucy Lui, Demi Moore, Bernie Mac, Justin Theroux, Robert Patrick, Luke Wilson, Matt LeBlanc, Crispin Glover, John Cleese, Shia LaBeouf, Ashley Olsen, Mary-Kate Olsen, Pink, Jaclyn Smith, Bruce Willis (no screen credit), and John Forsythe (voice)

The subject of this movie review is Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, a 2003 action comedy from director McG. This movie is a direct sequel to the 2000 film, Charlie’s Angels. Both films are based on the television series, “Charlie’s Angels,” which was originally broadcast on ABC from 1976 to 1981. As in the first film, Full Throttle stars Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, and Lucy Liu as three women employed by a private investigation agency and working for the voice known as “Charlie.”

Charlie’s Angels, the 2000 film remake of the 70-80’s TV show of the same name, was a hoot, a delightful and highly entertaining action/comedy with the guile of a cool Frank Miller comic book. Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, the 2003 sequel, is an overblown, way over-the-top Hollywood production that’s way too full of crap, and miraculously, it still manages to be somewhat entertaining.

It’s pointless to even attempt to describe the plot, as it’s muddled nonsense. The real plot involves the indelicate manner in which the filmmakers place Charlie’s Angels in positions and situations that create mondo opportunities for shots of tits and ass. Natalie Cook (Cameron Diaz), Dylan Sanders (Drew Barrymore), and Alex Munday (Lucy Lui) return as Charlie Townsend’s (voice of John Forsythe) high tech-trained, super-powered, manga-like cuties. This time the grrrrls have to retrieve two encrypted rings, which when combined give up the locations of people in the FBI witness relocation program, and wouldn’t the bad guys love to have that info.

McG, the director of the first film, returns to helm this gigantic, flatulent cartoon that is Full Throttle. The script is lame, but all McG has to do is make the pictures look good, and, as a music video director, he knows how to do that. Imagine The Matrix on drain cleaner, Japanese cartoons (anime) on fast forward, soft porn on the rag, and comic books conceived by horny, high school upper classmen and dull-witted sorority boys and you have the Charlie’s Angel's sequel. Don’t get me wrong; there are lots of laughs. It’s difficult to tell if the filmmakers were trying to be clever or if they were cynical enough to believe that audiences really would take it ‘tween the cheeks. The end result is this dumb as a low-rent retard movie.

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle parodies action movie clichés…badly, and also throws in a stiff riff from Martin Scorcese’s Cape Fear. It’s just too over the top and too much of a crack-addled cartoon. I did like the way the filmmakers tried to created the vibe of a family extended around the Angels; that actually gave me warm feelings. Still, I was half enthralled and half bored out of my mind. For all the fun I had, there were as many moments when I wondered why the experience of seeing this felt so wasteful. This is simply too much candy, and frankly, unless you really crave an empty movie experience, you can wait for the tape. Someone might tell you that this is a sly, wink-wink, nudge-nudge movie and you have to take it for what it is. If he tries to spin trash as something smart, he is a way-too-easy ho for the big, movie making machine in la-dee-da land.

4 of 10
C

NOTES:
2004 Razzie Awards: 2 wins: “Worst Remake or Sequel” and “Worst Supporting Actress” (Demi Moore); 5 nominations: “Worst Actress” (Drew Barrymore, also for Duplex-2003), “Worst Actress” (Cameron Diaz), “Worst Excuse for an Actual Movie” (All Concept/No Content!), “Worst Picture” (Columbia), and “Worst Screenplay” (John August-also story, Cormac Wibberley, and Marianne Wibberley)

Updated: Thursday, June 27, 2013

Review: "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" Remake Just a Remake

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 66 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux


The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
Running time: 98 minutes (1 hour, 38 minutes)
MPAA – R for strong horror violence/gore, language and drug content
DIRECTOR: Marcus Nispel
WRITER: Scott Kosar (based upon the original screenplay by Kim Henkel and Tobe Hooper)
PRODUCERS: Michael Bay and Mike Fleiss
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Daniel C. Pearl (D.o.P.)
EDITOR: Glen Scantlebury
COMPOSER: Steve Jablonsky
Razzie Awards nominee

HORROR

Starring: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Erica Leerhsen, Mike Vogel, Eric Balfour, Andrew Bryniarski, David Dorfman, Lauren German, Terrence Evans, Marietta Marich, Heather Kafka, Kathy Lamkin, Brad Leland, Mamie Meek, and John Larroquette (voice)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the 2003 remake of the 1974 horror film classic, is a by-the-books horror film with a few pages missing. It’s scary, and has all the requisite bumps. All jokes aside, there are some really intense moments. It seems that the idea of a chainsaw-wielding maniac chasing people, even fictional ones, is really unsettling. The characters here, however, seem a bit too dumb, and the film also has too many throwaway characters that could have been left out of the film.

The story is basically the same. Five teenagers or young people take the back roads of rural Texas to trouble where they encounter a monstrous killer who murders his victims with a chainsaw. In the original film, the kids took a detour to visit an old family estate of one of the youths. This time around, the gang gets sidetracked when they encounter a young woman wandering in a semi-daze along the road. After she kills herself, the kids look for help from the local law, and that’s how they set themselves up for gruesome deaths.

If the original TCM can be seen as a work of art in the horror genre, the remake is simply product – a professionally done movie meant to separate teens and other horror fans from their cash. There are no artistic pretensions here. It’s not half bad, and actually quite intense, creepy, and skin crawling during most of the movie. Having the cinematographer of the original film, Daniel Pearl, return to photograph this movie was an excellent choice by the producers. Pearl creates some spine-chilling and hair-raising shots in this movie that help to sell the film’s horrific atmosphere.

I have mixed feelings about the cast, but Jessica Biel is a champ and does a star turn in this film. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003 is an easy recommendation for any and all who like scary movies.

5 of 10
C+

NOTES:
2004 Razzie Awards: 1 nomination: “Worst Remake or Sequel”

Review: "The Italian Job" Remake Quite Slick

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 174 (of 2003) by Leroy Douresseaux

The Italian Job (2003)
Running time: 111 minutes (1 hour, 51 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for violence and some language
DIRECTOR: F. Gary Gray
WRITERS: Donna Powers and Wayne Powers (based on the 1969 screenplay by Troy Kennedy-Martin)
PRODUCER: Donald De Line
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Wally Pfister (D.o.P.)
EDITORS: Richard Francis-Bruce and Christopher Rouse
COMPOSER: John Powell
Black Reel Award winner

ACTION/CRIME with elements of a thriller

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Charlize Theron, Edward Norton, Donald Sutherland, Jason Statham, Seth Green, Mos Def, Franky G, Gawtti, and Shawn Fanning

The subject of this movie review is The Italian Job, a 2003 heist film from director F. Gary Gray. It is a remake of the 1969 film, The Italian Job, which starred Michael Caine and was directed by Peter Collinson.

The current version is quite entertaining, but a bit on the sedate side. Perhaps, the filmmakers mistook a low-key approach and a low wattage use of pyrotechnics as being cerebral. It’s not necessarily slow, but TIJ is an action movie meant for the kind of people who prefer action crime thrillers like Out of Sight and Ronin. Because I really liked those two films, I heartily recommend this one.

Career thief John Bridger (Donald Sutherland) and his protégé Charlie Croker (Mark Wahlberg) plan a successful heist of $35 million in gold in Venice, Italy. One of their crew, the slick and violent Steve (Edward Norton), however betrays them, kills Bridger, and steals the gold. Croker tracks Steve to Los Angeles where he’s living it up. Seeking revenge and the return of the gold, he convinces Bridger’s daughter Stella (Charlize Theron), a legitimate, professional safe cracker, to join him and his crew on a mission against Steve. The team plans to pull of the heist of their lives by creating L.A. largest traffic jam ever.

Director F. Gary Gray (Friday, Set it Off) might not stand head and shoulders above the current large group of technically talented film helmsman, but he has found his niche by producing entertaining and occasionally masterful crime thrillers. As laid back as The Italian Job seems, Gray gives each scene some special twist or essence that kept me watching. I was never bored, and I really enjoyed the film. Maybe Gray playing down loud explosions and kinetic editing is a good thing. He can certainly direct excellent helicopter/car chases, and he makes good use of a diverse cast of character actors, a pretty lead actress, and a solid leading man in Mark Wahlberg.

6 of 10
B

NOTES:
2004 Black Reel Awards: 1 win: “Film: Best Director” (F. Gary Gray); 2 nominations: “Best Film” (Donald De Line) and “Film: Best Supporting Actor” (Mos Def)

Review: "The Matrix Reloaded" a Bold Vision

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 74 (of 2003) by Leroy Douresseaux


The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Running time: 138 minutes (2 hours, 18 minutes)
MPAA – R for sci-fi violence and some sexuality
WRITERS/DIRECTORS: Andy Wachowski and Larry Wachowski
PRODUCER: Joel Silver
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Bill Pope (D.o.P.)
EDITOR: Zach Staenberg
COMPOSER: Don Davis

SCI-FI/ACTION/THRILLER

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Harold Perrineau, Jr., Adrian Rayment, Neil Rayment, Gloria Foster, Roy Jones, Jr., Randall Duk Kim, Monica Bellucci, Nona M. Gaye, Helmut Bakaitis, Sing Ngai, Harry Lennix and Anthony Zerbe

The subject of this movie review is The Matrix Reloaded, a 2003 American and Australian science fiction action film from The Wachowski Brothers. It is the sequel to the Oscar-winning, The Matrix (1999). In the film, Neo and the rebel leaders race to stop an army of Sentinels from destroying the human sanctuary, Zion, while Neo’s dreams suggest that Trinity will suffer a dark fate.

I liked The Matrix Reloaded so much that I’d like to bow down at the feet of Andy and Larry Wachowski, the creators/writers/directors behind this brilliant science fiction/action cum philosophical film. This must be the most thoughtful, inventive, and entertaining science fiction film since 2001: A Space Odyssey. It’s amazing what the brothers did when their studios gave them a bigger budget, and when technology gave them the ability to add even greater mind-bending effects than what they had in the first film, The Matrix. Every time George Lucas got more money and improved technology, he only managed to either make a mediocre film or to actually take away from the wonder of the original Star Wars.

Neo (Keanu Reeves) and his compatriots: mentor Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne), lover Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) and new crew mate Link (Harold Perrineau, Jr.) have 72 hours to save the day before 250,000 sentinel probes that are digging through the earth to reach Zion. Neo is also trouble Trinity of whom he’s been having bad dreams. The heroes must find The Keymaker (Randall Duk Kim) who knows the way to the Mainframe of the Matrix, the place where Neo might be able to save mankind.

At one point while I was watching this film, I could appreciate the creativity and the urge of the filmmakers to push the boundaries of visual effects, but I found The Matrix Reloaded to be a drag. It seemed to lack the freshness and surprise of the original. I was finding The Matrix Reloaded fresh in its throw-everything-against-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks way. The film seemed to have an awkward rhythm: talk, philosophy, talk, speech, fight, talk, fight, action scene, more talk, etc. This was a story about humans fighting machines, and the entire movie reeked of being artificial, more the result of computer effort than human effort.

I was wrong: human ingenuity and spirit make this film, with the computer as the left hand that helps the human right hand. Suddenly, it all clicked for me, and the film made so much sense. The rest of the way was a breathtaking experience for me. I had to struggle to keep up with the film’s rapid-fire pace. The action is quite intense, and the story is packed with human pathos, intrigue, and mystery. The Wachowski’s really dig into the idea that the Matrix is an artificial intelligence, but an intelligence nonetheless, and it has personalities – multiple personalities with individual agendas.

Great directing, great effects, excellent rhythm, inspired acting – what more do I need to say? This is good. Morpheus is even more mystical and even more frightening. Neo is super cool and super bad, a superman who can unleash his special abilities at the drop of a hat. Trinity is still hot, but she has a purpose; she’s more than just a babe/appendage. She’s the shoulder upon which Neo leans. I was also really surprised by how much the film delves into ideas of and philosophy about freedom, control, and choice.

No kidding, this is great stuff. It does have some weak points. It drags at times before it really gets rolling. Agent Smith (Hugo Weaving) is now as much comic relief as he is a cool villain, whereas he was an all-dangerous and lethal adversary in the first film. And the Twins (Adrian and Neil Rayment), with their blond dreadlocks are good, but they ain’t all that.

There have many good sci-fi films, and there have been some very good sci-fi films, including The Matrix. I don’t know how I’ll feel a year later about this sequel, but right now, I think The Matrix Reloaded is one of the truly great sci-fi films, and probably the best action movie ever made. Although The Matrix Reloaded ends in a cliffhanger, it stands on its own, just whetting your appetite for more. There are enough new revelations about the characters and about the Matrix to keep your head spinning until the next chapter.

9 of 10
A+

NOTES:
2004 Black Reel Awards: 1 nomination: “Best Supporting Actress” (Gloria Foster)

2004 Razzie Awards: 1 nomination: “Worst Director” (Andy Wachowski and Larry Wachowski – also for The Matrix Revolutions-2003)

Review: "Paycheck" More Than Minimum Wage Film

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 108 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux

Paycheck (2003)
Running time: 119 minutes (1 hour, 59 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for intense action violence and brief language
DIRECTOR: John Woo
WRITER: Dean Georgaris (based upon a short story by Philip K. Dick)
PRODUCERS: Terence Chang, John Davis, Michael Hackett, and John Woo
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Jeffrey L. Kimball (D.o.P.)
EDITORS: Christopher Rouse and Kevin Stitt
COMPOSERS: John Powell

SCI-FI/ACTION/THRILLER

Starring: Ben Affleck, Aaron Eckhart, Uma Thurman, Paul Giamatti, Colm Feore, Joe Morton, Michael C. Hall, and Peter Friedman

The subject of this movie review is Paycheck, a 2003 science fiction movie from director John Woo and starring Ben Affleck. The film is based on the short story, “Paycheck,” written by author Philip K. Dick and first published in the June 1953 issue of Imagination, a 1950s American science fiction and fantasy magazine. Paycheck the movie focuses on an engineer who takes what seems like an easy million-dollar payday, but ends up on the run and trying to piece together the reason why.

Michael Jennings (Ben Affleck), a brilliant reverse engineer (takes other people’s technology and works backwards to figure out what makes the tech work), takes a job from a powerful friend named Rethrick (Aaron Eckhart). The final part of each of Michael’s assignments involves his employer wiping Michael’s mind clean of the memories of his time working on a project; that’s how his employers keep what they’ve done secret.

However, Michael discovers something decidedly nasty while working on Rethrick’s project, so he mails himself a package full of goodies to help him remember his mission before Rethrick has Michael’s memory wiped. The problem is that once he wakes up from his mind wipe, he can’t remember why he needs this packet full of odds and ends, but he does learn that Rethrick wants him dead.

The writings of science fiction author Philip K. Dick, especially his short fiction, has been adapted into quite a few well-regarded films including Blade Runner, Total Recall, and Minority Report. Director John Woo’s Paycheck is the most recent adaptation, and while the film doesn’t make movie history or break new ground in cinema as the aforementioned have, Paycheck is an entertaining action thriller that doesn’t wear its sci-fi on its sleeves.

This is an old-fashioned action movie that relies on complicated and dangerous stunt work for the action sequences. It does not rely on CGI and the other computer enhancements that have become so favored since The Matrix. The film is true to what Woo does best, pure macho action built around car chases, explosions, gunfights, and fisticuffs. While Paycheck may not be as good as Woo classics like his Hong Kong work or Face/Off, the film is in that spirit.

The casting, however, isn’t great; I could think of actors who would have better fit these roles, and some of these actors weren’t given much with which to work. Still, everyone is game, and they seemed like they were into the film. They play their parts well enough to make this quite entertaining, so while Paycheck isn’t landmark science fiction, it is a fun movie to watch. It has more than enough suspense and mystery to keep the viewer intrigued. And while the chase scenes won’t keep you on the edge of the your seat all the time, they’ll get you close enough most of the time.

7 of 10
B+

NOTES:
2004 Razzie Awards: 1 win “Worst Actor” (Ben Affleck – also for Daredevil-2003 and Gigli-2003)

2010 Razzie Awards: 1 nomination: “Worst Actor of the Decade” (Ben Affleck – also for Daredevil-2003, Gigli-2003, Jersey Girl-2004, Pearl Harbor-2001, and Surviving Christmas-2004; nominated for 9 “achievements” and “winner” of 2 Razzies)

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Review: "Identity" Almost Great

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 61 (of 2003) by Leroy Douresseaux


Identity (2003)
Running time: 90 minutes (1 hour, 30 minutes)
MPAA – R for strong violence and language
DIRECTOR: James Mangold
WRITER: Michael Cooney
PRODUCER: Cathy Konrad
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Phedon Papamichael
EDITOR: David Brenner
COMPOSER: Alan Silvestri

HORROR/MYSTER/THRILLER with elements of crime drama

Starring: John Cusack, Ray Liotta, Amanda Peet, Alfred Molina, Clea DuVall, Rebecca De Mornay, John C. McGinley, John Hawkes, Jake Busey, Pruitt Taylor Vince, and Bret Loehr

The subject of this movie review is Identity, a 2003 mystery thriller and psychological horror film from director James Mangold. The film is set at a desolate Nevada motel during a nasty rainstorm. There, ten strangers are stranded and being killed off one by one. It’s actually a very good film until the end.

I often think that suspense thrillers and horror movies don’t have to be great, just effective, although there are great suspense and horror films. The plot and story may be familiar (it usually is), but the execution should make us forget that we’ve seen this before. We should be too busy jumping in our seats or making sure we locked all our doors and windows before the sun went down and we started watching a scary movie. Thus, while What Lies Beneath isn’t a great film, say like Psycho, it’s very well executed and does what it’s supposed to do: make us jump in our seats and feel something akin to the fear that the characters in the story feel. That is what Identity does.

Director James Mangold burst onto the film scene with the heartwarming and heart-wrenching drama Heavy, and entered the big time with Copland, wherein which he drew a very good performance from Sylvester Stallone. Identity is his first film that tackles the suspense/horror genre, and it’s a mighty good first leap.

Through the vagaries of coincidence, ten strangers are stranded at an isolated hotel during a nasty storm. As they begin to know each other, they discover that someone, either one of them or an unknown person, is killing them off one by one. As the most likely suspects are knocked off, the survivors are further confused when the bodies of the dead begin to disappear.

Writer Michael Cooney, the mastermind behind the Jack Frost films, creates what you could call a typical, professional Hollywood script, especially for a suspense film. The story has the usual clues and subtle tricks that you have to catch in order to learn the identity of the “bad guy.” It has the usual “bumps in the night,” an isolated setting for the story, the duplicitous characters, and enough false positives to scare off any pro football team. This is very good, if not spectacular work.

The strength of the film is in its cast and in its director. John Cusack is, as ever, very good as the leading man, and especially good in this case, as the smart guy trying to figure things out. Ray Liotta continues to shine in whatever roles he takes; everyone just seems to take him for granted. Mangold makes Identity part Alfred Hitchcock and a little slasher film. He’s subtle, even when the story seems to go over the top, as he takes advantage of Cooney’s suspense thriller settings: the lonely stretch of highway, the isolated motel, the overbearing and claustrophobic rainstorm, and the characters who come in all colors: shady, sneaky, weird, mental, dangerous, dishonest, weak, and angry. Mangold lets the cast run wild with these characters. He simply and quietly follows them, his camera greedily drinking what he’s carefully staged. It seems like zany and scary fun done with abandon, and while it is, Mangold knew what he was doing. He knew the buttons to push, and he knows where to take the story, every inch of the way, every scene in its place to give us the same sense of panic, fear, and growing desperation that his characters feel.

I had hoped that Identity would be fun and it was – good, spooky fun. When the story reveals its big secret, it does knock the steam out of the film, ruining the fun…almost. With the grace and athletic skill of a Kobe Bryant or Tracy McGrady, the film gets back on its feet for an ending that at least slaps you in the face if it doesn’t exactly bunch you in the stomach. Early in the film is a clue as to the killer’s identity. I ignored it, because a later scene corrected what seemed like a mistake when one character wrongly accuses another. That later scene was wrong and was a trick to throw us off. So pay attention to every step you take on this creepy trip.

6 of 10
B

Review: "Malibu’s Most Wanted" Still Funny

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 76 (of 2003) by Leroy Douresseaux


Malibu’s Most Wanted (2003)
Running time: 86 minutes (1 hour, 26 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for sexual humor, language and violence
DIRECTOR: John Whitesell
WRITERS: Fax Bahr, Adam Small, Jamie Kennedy, and Nick Swardson
PRODUCERS: Fax Bahr, Mike Karz, and Adam Small
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Mark Irwin
EDITOR: Cara Silverman
COMPOSER: John Van Tongeren

COMEDY

Starring: Jamie Kennedy, Taye Diggs, Anthony Anderson, Regina Hall, Blair Underwood, Damien Dante Wayans, Ryan O’Neal, Bo Derek, Jeffrey Tambor, and Snoop Dogg (voice)

The subject of this movie review is Malibu’s Most Wanted, a 2003 comedy co-written by and starring Jamie Kennedy. The film focuses on the character “B-Rad,” which Kennedy initially used in his stand-up comedy act and later featured on his hidden camera television series, “JKX: The Jamie Kennedy Experiment.”

Brad Gluckman (Jamie Kennedy) is B-Rad, a white Jewish boy from Malibu who is a wannabe rap star and “acts like he’s from the ‘hood.” The problem is that his father Bill (Ryan O’Neal) is a California gubernatorial candidate, and B-Rad’s thuggish behavior might cost him the election.

Tom Gibbons (Blair Underwood), his father’s campaign manager, hires two actors to scare the black out of B-Rad. If Julliard-trained Sean (Taye Diggs) and Pasadena Playhouse thespian P.J. (Anthony Anderson) can convince B-Rad that they’re carjackers, they just might put the white back in Brad’s act. However, B-Rad ain’t having it; before long he’s in love with Sean and P.J.’s accomplice Shondra (Regina Hall), an ambitious young woman with business dreams.

First, let me say that Malibu’s Most Wanted is simply hilarious. I laughed as much as I did at any other recent film including Bringing Down the House. Malibu Most Wanted, like the latter film, involves a traditionally, but especially of late, touchy subject: the portrayal of African-American (or just plain black folks) and black culture in Hollywood films. The film allegedly pokes fun at white kids who embrace hip hop culture, but who also embrace it with such relish that they try to “act black.”

However, the film makes a point of differentiating between poseurs and whites who are really into that chocolate flava. A friend of mine called white poseurs, “Negro lite” – all the style and coolness without the persecution of being black. When it comes down to it, there’s nothing wrong with white people embracing hip hop culture or black language, style, fashion, attitude, and lifestyle. People of different backgrounds and cultures cross pollinate; the Romans certainly enjoyed copying the Greeks.

Some people seem to think that it was beneath African-American actors to participate in movies like Malibu's Most Wanted and Brining Down the House. Black actors just go where the work is. Lord knows that Taye Diggs, handsome, talented, and possessing a deft comic touch, should be a leading man fighting off producers who constantly beat at his door to have him be the star of their next film. That’s not happening. And Anthony Anderson is no less funny than Seann William Scott (American Pie and Dude, Where’s My Car?), so he should also have many comic vehicles coming his way, shouldn’t he?

Regina Hall is sexy and beautiful, capable of being more than just the black girl with an attitude. After seeing her in Malibu's Most Wanted, I left the theatre wondering why I haven’t seen more of her; then, I pass by a poster for the overexposed Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and a Ho. Oh, nothing on Reese. I love her, and all things being equal, Regina came into the world with the exact same chance for opportunity as Reese, right? So they go where the work is. Besides, I love the subtle, sly, and wink-wink/nudge-nudge performances by Diggs, Anderson, and Blair Underwood.

Jamie Kennedy, his writers and the director, John Whitesell (a veteran director of various episodes of many television programs) do a good job with what could have been a one-note joke that dies quickly. The script is pedestrian in a number of ways, but especially in the story’s resolution. B-Rad justifies himself and his interest in hip hop, connects with the black folk, and makes up with his dad, but there are also lots of nice touches. Hell, he even gets the black woman, which I thought the filmmakers would avoid like the plague. Even the predictable material has a nice, funny spin on it. The main point of this movie is to be funny, and it’s damn funny. Its secondary nature is to make a lot of good points, and despite Malibu Most Wanted’s often tactless script, it does that, too. When all is said and done, Malibu’s Most Wanted is funny, and in the long term, it’ll be an important work in the canon of films about black culture.

How many people notice that for all the parody of hip hop that is done in this film, B-Rad is absolutely and honestly in love with hip hop? For all the whining that many people do about how “black culture” is ignored, they should notice the adoration, even when it is disguised as a sow’s ear.

6 of 10
B

Review: "Bulletproof Monk" Not a Misfire

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 54 (of 2003) by Leroy Douresseaux


Bulletproof Monk (2003)
Running time: 104 minutes (1 hour, 44 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for violence, language and some sexual content
DIRECTOR: Paul Hunter
WRITERS: Ethan Reiff and Cyrus Voris (based upon the Flypaper Press comic book)
PRODUCERS: Terence Chang, Charles Roven, Douglas Segal, and John Woo
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Stefan Czapsky (D.o.P.)
EDITOR: Robert K. Lambert
COMPOSER: Eric Serra

MARTIAL ARTS/ACTION with elements of adventure, fantasy, and sci-fi

Starring: Chow Yun-Fat, Seann William Scott, Jamie King, Karel Roden, and Victoria Smurfit

The subject of this movie review is Bulletproof Monk, a 2003 martial arts and fantasy film starring Chow Yun-Fat and Seann William Scott. The film is a loose adaptation of a three-issue comic book miniseries published in the late 1990s.

After I first saw trailers and television commercials for Bulletproof Monk, I was sure that the movie was going to be a giant turkey bomb. The fights looked like cheesy, Matrix, bullet time, rip-offs, and the idea of a kung-fu mentor looking for a “chosen one” rang all too familiar. Worst of all, the film had Chow Yun-Fat spouting instant pudding Far East mystical mumbo-jumbo. The ads turned out to be quite misleading (in fact, those responsible shouldn’t necessarily lose their jobs if this film flops because of poor ads, but they should, at least, get demerits from their bosses), and the film is quite good, although the film still has one of those chosen one characters and lots of mystical quasi-Buddhist wisdom dialogue that even fortune cookie makers wouldn’t touch.

Somewhere in Tibet is an ancient scroll wherein is written the secrets to great power. Every sixty years, a new monk is chosen via prophetic signs to protect the scroll. In 1943, the Monk with No Name (Chow Yun Fat, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) takes responsibility for the scroll. 60 years later, the monk is in New York running from Strucker (Karel Roden), a sadistic Nazi holdover from the Forties who wants the secrets of the scroll. His granddaughter Nina (Victoria Smurfit) now leads the chase to capture the Monk with No Name. During one of those chases, the monk meets Kar (Seann William Scott), a young pickpocket who just so happens to possesses some formidable martial arts skills. Of course, the relationship between the two begins as an edgy one, but soon it’s sometimes difficult to tell who is the mentor and who is the “mentee.”

Director Paul Hunter, known for his music videos, shows great ability in creating a sustained rhythmic style in Bulletproof Monk. The material is old hat; Hunter just makes the film exciting and energetic. He creates a sense of drama, suspense, mystery, and intrigue through the flow of the film. He even stages the mystical and philosophical musings so that they seem interesting and move the story forward. Rather than just being the standard dialogue you’d hear in a martial arts flick, the wit and wisdom of the monk actually serves the story.

The acting is good. Fat has never seemed more comfortable and relaxed in an English language film than he does here. He’s the coolest silent, stoic hero since Clint Eastwood, and the camera loves him. There’s just something heroic and, well, mystical about his visage when it appears on a giant movie screen, and like Eastwood, his best work needs to be seen in a theatre. Seann William Scott, forever burdened with the Stifler character from the American Pie films, proves himself to be a screen idol in the mold of Keanu Reeves. Like Reeves, the camera loves Scott; he has a naïve and goofy, but charming look that can sell him as a part time rogue, but a rogue destined to be a hero. His performance and his character’s transformation really remind me of both Reeves performance and of the character Neo’s transformation in The Matrix.

Bulletproof Monk is pure fun and very entertaining. You don’t have to check your brain at the door because the film isn’t that simpleminded. There’s chemistry between the leads that is actually heartwarming and inspiring. The evolution of the teacher/pupil relationship here is one that rings true. They are the center of the story, and when their dynamic works and the fight scenes are good, then, the movie is probably good.

Bulletproof Monk does have some shaky moments, and sometimes, the characters don’t always ring true. The villains are such stock characters that the actors precariously balance appearing both pathetic and dangerous, although Ms. Smurfit plays her part with absolute relish. Still, Bulletproof Monk is a good action film with some excellent fight scenes in the spirit of The Matrix, and the soundtrack is also pretty cool.

Though I do wonder why, after centuries of having Asian protectors, the protectors of the scroll all of a sudden have to be white people. Would predominately white audiences accept Jet Li as King Arthur?

6 of 10
B

Review: "Scary Movie 3" Quite Bad, but Funny

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 158 (of 2003)


Scary Movie 3 (2003)
Running time: 84 minutes (1 hour, 24 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for pervasive crude and sexual humor, language, comic violence and drug references
DIRECTOR: David Zucker
WRITERS: Craig Mazin and Pat Proft (based upon characters created by Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Buddy Johnson, Phil Beauman, Jason Friedberg, and Aaron Seltzer)
PRODUCER: Robert K. Weiss
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Mark Irwin (D.o.P.)
EDITOR: Malcolm Campbell and Jon Poll
COMPOSER: James L. Venable

COMEDY with elements of fantasy, horror, and sci-fi

Starring: Anna Faris, Simon Rex, Regina Hall, Anthony Anderson, Pamela Anderson, Jenny McCarthy, Marny Eng, Charlie Sheen, Jeremy Piven, Camryn Manheim, Queen Latifah, Eddie Griffin, Leslie Nielsen, D.L. Hughley, Ja Rule, George Carlin, Master P, Macy Gray, Redman, Method Man, Raekwon, RZA, Fat Joe, and Simon Cowell

The subject of this movie review is Scary Movie 3, a 2003 comedy film and parody of science fiction and horror films. It is the first film in the Scary Movie franchise not to feature members of the Wayans family.

Scary Movie 3 has loads and loads of belly laughs, but it is shockingly lame, dull, and an all out boring film, which gets worse as its nearly incomprehensible story lethargically crawls to the end. This installment of the franchise mainly targets The Ring and Signs for a good skewering or is that screwing? The Matrix and 8 Mile also fall in for a manhandling; the former parody is mildly funny while the latter is surprisingly sprightly and hilarious. The film, however, is one long gag reel superimposed over a deplorably bad movie.

The story this time, as it may be, has Cindy (Anna Faris) and her lame heartthrob George (Simon Rex) investigating crop circles and a killer ghost from a haunted videocassette. Somehow, it’s all tied together, and Cindy also has to help President Harris (Leslie Nielsen) stop an alien invasion.

If this doesn’t sound like much, it’s because Scary Movie 3 isn’t very much. The presence of so many stars in small roles and cameos is very nice, and some, like Anthony Anderson, Pamela Anderson, and Jenny McCarthy, actually make the film worth seeing. The cast, like the raunchy humor and endless sight gags, don’t exactly save the movie, but they can make you laugh, and in the end, those laughs might be the only reason to justify seeing this lame duck. David Zucker, part of the team responsible for Airplane and Naked Gun, lavishes Scary Movie 3 with his trademark gag-a-minute style, and it works to an extent.

I must really emphasize that this film can cause some hard and deep laughing, but I was also very shocked at how often tasteless and tactless the film was. Jokes that involve violating a corpse at a wake and pedophilia on the part of Catholic priest cross the line. It’s not so much that this kind of humor seems desperate; it’s that the filmmakers seem so willfully shameless and tasteless. Some things are not funny. They are sacred or taboo for reasons that are important to a society. It’s not that such things cannot be discussed; it’s how they are discussed. To use them as jokes is the sign of a weak, unimaginative mind – a selfish and immature person determined and desperate to get what he wants at any cost.

That said – I laughed a lot, and I cringed behind my arms almost as much. Scary Movie 3 won’t ever be listed among the great comedies. At best, it’s a temporary and exasperating thrill that is forgotten as soon as the film fades to black.

3 of 10
C-

Review: "Kangaroo Jack" Jacked-Up, but Fun

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 133 (of 2003) by Leroy Douresseaux


Kangaroo Jack (2003)
Running time: 89 minutes (1 hour, 29 minutes)
MPAA – PG for language, crude humor, sensuality and violence
DIRECTOR: David McNally
WRITERS: Steve Bing and Scott Rosenberg, from a story by Barry O’Brien and Steve Bing
PRODUCER: Jerry Bruckheimer
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Peter Menzies Jr. (D.o.P.)
EDITORS: William Goldenberg, Jim May, and John Murray
COMPOSER: Trevor Rabin
Razzie Awards nominee

COMEDY with elements of Action/Adventure/Crime

Starring: Jerry O’Connell, Anthony Anderson, Estella Warren, Christopher Walken, Marton Csokas, Dyan Cannon, Michael Shannon, Bill Hunter, and David Ngoombujarra

The subject of this movie review is Kangaroo Jack, a 2003 comedy starring Jerry O’Connell and Anthony Anderson. The film follows two childhood friends, who are forced by the mob to deliver $50,000 to Australia and then, forced to chase a wild kangaroo that ends up with that money.

Hollywood mega-movie producer Jerry Bruckheimer isn’t strictly a producer of gargantuan action flicks that “blow us away” during the summer and holiday seasons. Although known for films like Top Gun and Armageddon, he’s also produced films like Flashdance and Remember the Titans, as well as television programs like “C.S.I.: Crime Scene Investigation” and “Amazing Race.” The latest bit of diversity in his oeuvre is the comedy Kangaroo Jack.

This movie is a tale of two hapless schmoes, Charlie Carbone (Jerry O’Connell) and Louis Booker (Anthony Anderson) chasing a kangaroo in the Australian outback because the marsupial has “stolen” 50 thousand dollars from them. It’s a funny, but mostly lame, film with some very good moments. There’s a sexy girl, and we get a few shots of her nipples, particularly in a wet t-shirt moment. The film winds down with a really convincing and heartfelt moment of two guys, one black and one white, pledging their undying friendship for each other.

I want to be cynical about the whole relationship, but it’s good to see that a white man and black man can really be best buds, even if it’s just in a movie. Don’t expect anything great because Kangaroo Jack is pure tripe straight from the film factory and made by some of Tinseltown’s brightest filmmaking hacks. It’s acceptable and likeable low quality funny, much in the way you might accept off-brand crystallized ice cream in a moment of desperation.

4 of 10
C

NOTES:
2001 Razzie Awards: 2 nominations: “Worst Supporting Actor” (Christopher Walken-also for Gigli-2003) and “Worst Supporting Actor” (Anthony Anderson)

Review: In "Darkness Falls" Scary Rises

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 159 (of 2003) by Leroy Douresseaux


Darkness Falls (2003)
Running time: 86 minutes (1 hour, 26 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for terror and horror images, and brief language
DIRECTOR: Jonathan Liebesman
WRITERS: John Fasano, James Vanderbilt, and Joe Harris; from a story by Joe Harris
PRODUCERS: John Fasano, John Hegeman, William Sherak, and Jason Shuman
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Dan Laustsen (D.o.P.)
EDITORS: Tim Alverson and Steve Mirkovich
COMPOSER: Brian Tyler

HORROR/THRILLER

Starring: Chaney Kley, Emma Caulfield, Lee Cormie, Grant Piro, Sullivan Stapleton, Steve Mouzakis, Peter Curtin, Kestie Morassi, Jenny Lovell, John Stanton, Joshua Anderson, and Emily Browning

The subject of this review is Darkness Falls, a 2003 horror film produced by Revolution Studios and distributed by Columbia Pictures. Directed by Jonathan Liebesman, the film was co-written by Joe Harris, a comic book writer who has written X-Men and Spider-Man comics for Marvel Comics and Batman comics for DC Comics. Darkness Falls focuses on spirit exacting revenge on the town for a 150-year-old lynching and a young man called to help stop the spirit’s rampage.

Darkness Falls is a creepy, atmospheric little thriller with all the requisite bumps in the night, and a boogeyman (woman) who hits her mark every time she rockets out of the dark to deliver hot death. She’s a fearsome old thing, even in her worse moments.

In this horror tale, a vengeful spirit has taken the form of the Tooth Fairy and has been exacting revenge on Darkness Falls, the town that killed her, for the 150 years since her unjust execution. The Tooth Fairy visits a child on the night he loses his last tooth. If anyone looks at her during one of her visits, she whacks him. As the story begins, she has her sights on Michael Greene (Lee Cormie) who did see her. Desperate to save her little brother, Caitlin Greene (Emma Caulfield) calls on Kyle Walsh (Chaney Kley), a childhood friend who survived one of the Tooth Fairy’s attacks and who is the sole opposition to the murderous supernatural creature.

Darkness Falls isn’t great, and the script is light on character development even though it has many good characters and backstory that easily connects the characters to one another. The credit goes to director Jonathan Liebesman (a South African who won some notable awards for his short film Genesis and Catastrophe) who deserves all the credit for making Darkness Falls creepy and fun. It’s an effective suspense thriller directed with a veteran’s flair, and those who are not burnt out and made cynical by overdone heavily laden special effects horror films should enjoy this.

6 of 10
B

Review: "Cradle 2 the Grave" Not Completely Lifeless

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 28 (of 2003) by Leroy Douresseaux

Cradle 2 the Grave (2003)
Running time: 101 minutes (1 hour, 41 minutes)
MPAA – R for violence, language and some sexual content
DIRECTOR: Andrzej Bartkowiak
WRITERS: John O’Brien and Channing Gibson; from a story by John O’Brien
PRODUCER: Joel Silver
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Daryn Okada
EDITOR: Derek G. Brechin
COMPOSERS: Damon “Grease” Blackman and John Frizzell

ACTION/CRIME/DRAMA

Starring: Jet Li, DMX, Anthony Anderson, Kelly Hu, Tom Arnold, Mark Dacascos, Gabrielle Union, Daniel Dae Kim, and Chi McBride (uncredited)

The subject of this movie review is Cradle 2 the Grave, a 2003 action film. Directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak, the film stars legendary action star, Jet Li, and rapper DMX.

Producer Joel Silver brings us another martial artist/rap star “buddy” movie in the tradition of his hit, Exit Wounds. This time Exit Wounds star DMX joins legendary Far East action star Jet Li in Cradle to the Grave. After I watching this movie, I couldn’t figure out the reason for the title, but the name sounds rough and tough, just what you want in your “chop socky-hip hop” movie. No doubt that this is trash, but fun trash, especially if you’re feeling really tolerant; not as good as Exit Wounds, but almost worth the price of admission if you like Li and/or DMX. And I had been waiting for this for a long time.

Fait (DMX) leads a crew of high-tech urban thieves who stumble onto a bag of mysterious black jewels during their heist of a diamond exchange. The diamonds’ owner, the vicious and murderous Ling (Mark Decascos), kidnaps Fait’s daughter and holds her as ransom for the jewels’ return. Fait gets a monkey wrench in his works when another crew steals the diamonds from one of Fait’s bumbling associates (Tom Arnold). Fait and his crew forge an alliance with a Taiwanese intelligence officer, Su (Jet Li), to rescue his child and retrieve the precious black diamonds, which hold a deadly and powerful secret.

Director Andrzej Bartkowiak’s film is clunky and disjointed, but Bartkowiak (who has directed three of Li’s American films) knows that he only has to string together a few “character moments” between scenes with the only important elements of the film: DMX’s grimace and Li’s extended martial arts free-for-alls. Li actually has an extended battle at an underground fight arena that at times defies the imagination and at other times is so wacky that it earns a load of belly laughs. Because the writers gave DMX’s character a child, we actually get a few smiles from the normally scowling star during precious scenes of him “parenting.”

The supporting cast mostly serves as relief from the grim story. Most of the time, Cradle 2 the Grave is a pretty raw cartoon, and it plays rough with its characters. However, Tom Arnold and Anthony Anderson, co-stars in Exit Wounds, return to add much needed comic relief. In fact, Arnold never seems so comfortable in a film role as he does when he’s rollin’ with the homeys. I think he’s added life to his career legs the way John Lithgow did in the early 1990’s by taking a few villainous roles.

I won’t lie to you. This isn’t a good movie, but it can be very entertaining most of the time. You just have to outlast some “dramatic” moments to get to the action, suspense, and thrills. Sometimes, I became very impatient waiting out a few dull minutes just to get to the bloodshed; honestly, there’s no other reason to see this junk other than for the junk: car chases, titillation, shootouts, corrupt cops, thugs, explosions, and Jet Li’s electric hands and feet.

So when’s the next Silver Pictures’ rap-fu joint coming out? DMX and Jackie Chan, perhaps?

4 of 10
C

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Review: "Biker Boyz" a Disappointment

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 15 (of 2003) by Leroy Douresseaux


Biker Boyz (2003)
Running time: 110 minutes (1 hours, 50 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for violence, sexual content and language
DIRECTOR: Reggie Rock Blythewood
WRITERS: Craig Fernandez and Reggie Rock Blythewood (based upon a magazine article by Michael Gougis)
PRODUCERS: Stephanie Allain, Gina Prince-Bythewood, and Erwin Stoff
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Greg Gardiner
EDITORS: Caroline Ross and Terilyn A. Shropshire
COMPOSER: Camara Kambon

ACTION/DRAMA with elements of crime

Starring: Laurence Fishburne, Derek Luke, Orlando Jones, Djimon Hounsou, Lisa Bonet, Larenz Tate, Kid Rock, Rick Gonzalez, Meagan Good, Salli Richardson, Vanessa Bell Calloway, Dante Basco, Dion Basco, Tyson Beckford, Kadeem Hardison, and (uncredited) Eriq La Salle

The subject of this movie review is Biker Boyz, a 2003 drama and action movie. The film focuses on underground motor cycle drag racers and was released by DreamWorks Studios.

Biker Boyz probably exists because of the surprising and enormous success of The Fast and the Furious. Heck, the television program, “Fastlane,” probably exists because of Furious, as well as the fact that a popular movie video and film director proposed it.

First, I’ll mention what’s good about the movie. Director Reggie Rock Blythewood uses a lot of really interesting, unique, and visually jarring camera angles and shots. To watch the opening credits is an invigorating experience; it was so cool that I expected even greater things later in the film. Blythewood uses still photography and quick-cut editing to raise the level of excitement and tension in the film, and on many occasions it works…for awhile.

Laurence Fishburne is Smoke, the "King of Cali," a legendary motorcycle racer in California. The Kid (Derek Luke), a former member in training of Smoke’s gang, The Black Knights, wants Smoke’s mythical crown, his racing helmet. Smoke would have to surrender it if he ever lost a face, and he hasn’t in over 25 races. However, bike racing, among the mostly African American bike clubs is hierarchical, a governing board has to vote to let Kid play; he has to earn the right to tackle Smoke. Kid forms a club of his own, The Biker Boyz, and sets about throwing his weight around to get his way. But does the older Smoke, whom Kid views as an enemy, have something to teach the brash, young biker?

Just this last line tells you that what could have been a good racing movie turns into a mush fest. That’s just the tip of the bad. The story of the young up-and-comer challenging a revered leader is familiar, and, when done correctly, can make for an entertaining story. However, as good as Blythewood is with camera work and quick cuts, his sense of storytelling is abominable. Things develop so slowly that the film actually seems to grow longer as it progresses. The problems stem from the relationships between the characters. Every time the film stops to give two characters a chance to connect with each other, the film literally grinds to a halt; you can almost hear the film’s gears crunching and dragging. It becomes deliriously dull, and I mean that it gets so dull that it made me delirious. I was going to walk out, but to be fair, I wanted to see the entire film so that I could properly review it for you, dear reader. Never say that I don’t care for you.

Late in the film, Kid and his mother, Anita (Vanessa Bell Calloway), meet to make up, and the movie stops cold. I was ready for her to just make her apologies and get the heck out of Kid’s apartment so that he could go race. Ms. Calloway’s character had potential, but like all the others, she’s wasted by Blythewood’s inability to tell a story through his characters. As long as he can do tricks with his camera, he’s fine, but the moment people stop to relate to one another, Blythewood is struck dumb.

Biker Boyz has lots of supporting characters, and the actors playing them (Kid Rock, Orlando Jones, Djimon Hounsou, Lisa Bonet, Tyson Beckford) might interest moviegoers. But they would be shocked how listless and dull their favorites are in this surprisingly poor film.

2 of 10
D

Review: "Dark Blue" Dark Indeed

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 22 (of 2003) by Leroy Douresseaux


Dark Blue (2003)
Running time: 118 minutes (1 hour, 58 minutes)
MPAA – R for violence, language and brief sexuality
DIRECTOR: Ron Shelton
WRITERS: David Ayer; from a story James Ellroy
PRODUCERS: David Blocker, Caldecot Chubb, Sean Daniel, and James Jacks
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Barry Peterson
EDITORS: Patrick Flannery and Paul Seydor
COMPOSER: Terence Blanchard

CRIME/DRAMA with elements of action and thriller

Starring: Kurt Russell, Scott Speedman, Michael Michele, Brendan Gleeson, Ving Rhames, Kurupt, Lolita Davidovich, Dash Mihok, Master P, and Khandi Alexander

The subject of this movie review is Dark Blue, a 2002 crime drama from director Ron Shelton (Bull Durham) and writer David Ayer and based on an original story by James Ellroy. The film was released to theatres in February 2003.

Describing Ron Shelton’s Dark Blue is not an easy task. Even if I only dealt with the surface issues, I’d still have a hard time defining the film. What I can say is that it is brutal and unflinching in its display of violence, corruption, and human frailty. Shelton, who usually writes his own screenplays, has a devil of script in this one with which to work. James Ellroy, the mack daddy of American crime fiction and the novelist of L.A. Confidential, wrote the story and David Ayer, the writer of Training Day and The Fast and the Furious, wrote the script; thus, the pedigree of the story is one of immense power and frank honesty when dealing with the Los Angeles on a street level and in its darkest corners.

Set in the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) on the eve of the 1992 riots after the “Rodney King Beating Trial” verdict, the film focuses on a hardnosed cop with a penchant for shooting suspects, Sgt. Eldon Perry, Jr. (Kurt Russell) and his youthful partner Bobby Keough (Scott Speedman), whom Perry is training to follow in his tough footsteps. Perry is sometimes a kind of hit man and troubleshooter for his boss Jack Van Meter (Brendan Gleeson), who is also Bobby’s uncle. Van Meter’s web of deceit has drawn the attention of an ambitious deputy chief (Ving Rhames), who closes in on the corruption as the city awaits the verdict of King trial.

Dark Blue isn’t just about police corruption although that seems to be its central focus. The film has so much going on around the central character Perry that it’s hard to zero in on any particular issue. It’s about how people get drawn into the darker side of the law and remain there despite their misgivings. It’s about the ends justifying the means and about doing whatever you want to do or believe you have to do regardless of the cost to others.

More than anything, Dark Blue reveals how a select group of men treat the LAPD like their own personal boy’s club where they can live the most selfish and hedonistic lifestyle they want to live and the public pays the their club dues. Dark Blue makes it quite plain and matter of fact that quite a few cops look the other way when it comes to corruption and that some “officers of the law” are as bad or worse then the criminals they supposedly fight. Even the good guys are tainted. In fact, after seeing this, I have my doubts that bad cops actually only make up a very small percentage of police departments. Corruption is the cancer, but material gain is the alluring scent that draws them to the sickness. Of course, a lot of policemen look the other way because they know how easy it is to cross the line.

It takes a good cast to carry off a film like this, one that deals with difficult and angry subject matter in such a frank manner. Kurt Russell continues to affirm his status as a great male star in the tradition of the great tough guys, and he can act. I could read the drama in his face and see the character’s turmoil and conflict; Russell didn’t have to say a word. He only had to act. Scott Speedman plays the youthful and slowly corrupted Bobby with a charm that engages us to him especially when he’s trying to be a bad boy. Ving Rhames and Brendan Gleeson are fine character actors; they always bring something of themselves, their own personal style, to their characters, which gives those characters flavor.

Dark Blue may be an L.A. story, but its elements and themes are universal. The same issues that plagued the men and the bureaucracy of law enforcement in 1992 before the riots still bother them today. It’s good that Ellroy, Ayers, and Shelton can turn this disease into a big messy film full of ugliness, making us confront the mean streets and the even meaner men who play on it.

Dark Blue isn’t slick entertainment, and it does drag at times. Like Michael Mann’s Heat, it takes its time building up steam before it blows up in our faces. Good. Some things about “the law” need to gut punch America if the country’s going to pay attention. Shelton builds the tension slowly, but the audience needs the set up to get the payoff. If the ending seems confused, it’s the only appropriate one for a movie so deeply involved in the drama of life. I like having an important movie be this rough, crime drama (heck, I just like a good crime drama) that craps on the gloss of Hollywood. The art of drama doesn’t have to be pretty.

7 of 10
B+

NOTES:
2004 Black Reel Awards: 2 nominations: “Best Supporting Actor” (Ving Rhames) and “Best Supporting Actress” (Michael Michele)

Review: "Bruce Almighty" Not So Mighty

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 20 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux


Bruce Almighty (2003)
Running time: 101 minutes (1 hour, 41 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for language, sexual content and some crude humor
DIRECTOR: Tom Shadyac
WRITERS: Steve Koren & Mark O’Keefe and Steve Oedekerk; from a story by Steve Koren and Mark O’Keefe
PRODUCERS: Michael Bostick, James D. Brubaker, Jim Carrey, Steve Koren, Mark O'Keefe, and Tom Shadyac
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Dean Semler (D.o.P.)
EDITOR: Scott Hill
COMPOSER: John Debney

COMEDY/FANTASY/ROMANCE

Starring: Jim Carrey, Morgan Freeman, Jennifer Aniston, Philip Baker Hall, Catherine Baker, Lisa Ann Walter, Steven Carell, Nora Dunn, Eddie Jemison, Paul Satterfield, Mark Kiely, Sally Kirkland, and Tony Bennett

The subject of this movie review is Bruce Almighty, a 2003 comedy and fantasy film from director Tom Shadyac and starring Jim Carrey. The film was a worldwide box office hit and yielded a spin-off film, Evan Almighty, in 2007.

Bruce Almighty isn’t Jim Carrey’s best film, although it was one of his biggest ever at the box office. I wanted to see it for a long time, but never got around to it, and after having finally seen it, I now realize that it would have been perfectly fine, if in my life as a moviegoer, I had never seen it. It’s not bad; it’s just not good Jim Carrey.

Bruce Almighty focuses on Bruce Nolan (Jim Carrey) an unhappy television reporter who complains about how unfair God is to him. When he doesn’t get the promotion after which he lusted and gets himself fired as a result, he condemns God as a do-nothing. God (Morgan Freeman) decides to make an appearance and see if Bruce can do better a job ruling existence. He gives Bruce his almighty powers just to teach him how difficult the job of being God can be.

First of all the concept is a piece of shit. Granted that the job of watching the universe is, to say the absolute least, difficult, can’t God do the job? He is, after all, God…

Secondly, the script is very smart, for at least half the film. Bruce acts just as you’d think he would – selfishly and carelessly doing whatever it takes to make things easy for him. It turns out he was always a self-obsessed bastard. Even after he gets his way via his newly gained almighty powers, he doesn’t think to make things better not only for himself, but also for his girlfriend, Grace Connelly (Jennifer Anniston). When Bruce does finally at least pay attention to the (presumed) basic duty of God, answering prayers, he takes the easy route and creates a disaster. All this stuff is smart and probably pretty accurate when it comes to describing how someone would handle the situation.

After that, Bruce Almighty becomes a feel good fest of fixing things and doing the right thing. That makes for a pleasant movie, and the story resolves in the way it probably should: life lessons learned, good will towards men, respecting God (but, according to the film, respecting God in a bland and non-evangelical way). However, that’s the problem. Bruce Almighty plays it too safe; it would have really been a funnier film if it had actually went against the grain – maybe be radical.

And as silly and crazy as Jim Carrey has been, he’s rarely done anything dangerous in his career. As a stage comedian, he was a gagman, the Prince of Ass Jokes, really. He does great impersonations and he’s a human sound effects machine, but we’re not talking Lenny Bruce or even Carrey’s idol, Andy Kaufman. His film career has pretty much been the same act, but he’s been so damn good at it. The Ace Ventura films and Dumb and Dumber are priceless.

Since the mid to late 90’s, Jim has been trying to prove to everyone that he’s not a comedian turned actor or just a comic actor, but an actor – one capable doing serious dramatic roles. I think several years of trying to prove that he’s a great actor has dulled the talent that justifies his popularity and humongous paychecks – his talent as the Prince of Ass Jokes, the Duke of Juvenile Humor, and Lord of Rubbery Faces.

You can see it in Bruce Almighty. His silliness, childishness, and zaniness lack the zip they once had. He’s does some really hilarious clowning around in this film, but a lot of it is soft and too much of it strained.

So see Bruce Almighty, if you like Jim Carrey. Sadly, it’s the closest we’ll get to the early to mid-90’s pet detective.

5 of 10
C+

NOTES:
2004 Black Reel Awards: 1 nomination: “Best Supporting Actor” (Morgan Freeman)

2004 Image Awards: 1 win: “Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture” (Morgan Freeman)

2003 "Peter Pan" Surprisingly Quite Good

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 109 (of 2004) by Leroy Douresseaux


Peter Pan (2003)
Running time: 113 minutes (1 hour, 53 minutes)
MPAA – PG
DIRECTOR: P.J. Hogan
WRITERS: Michael Goldenberg and P.J. Hogan (based upon the play and stories of J.M. Barrie)
PRODUCERS: Lucy Fisher, Patrick McCormick, and Douglas Wick
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Donald m McAlpine (D.o.P.)
EDITORS: Garth Craven and Michael Kahn
COMPOSER: James Newton Howard

FANTASY/ADVENTURE/FAMILY/ROMANCE

Starring: Jason Isaacs, Jeremy Sumpter, Rachel Hurd-Wood, Lynn Redgrave, Richard Briers, Olivia Williams, Harry Newell, Freddie Popplewell, Ludivine Sagnier, Theodore Chester, Rupert Simonian, George MacKay, Harry Eden, Patrick Gooch, Lachlan Gooch, and Carsen Gray

The subject of this movie review is Peter Pan, a 2003 live-action, fantasy drama based on the Peter Pan play and novel written by J. M. Barrie. The film is a multi-national production of three countries: the United States, the United Kingdom, and Australia.

Wendy Darling (Rachel Hurd-Wood) loves to tell pirate stories to her brothers, John (Harry Newell) and Michael (Freddie Popplewell), but she doesn’t know that Peter Pan (Jeremy Sumpter), the boy who refuses to grow up, listens at the window every night as Wendy tells her tales. Her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Darling (Jason Isaacs and Olivia Williams), insist that she grow up and stop telling her tales of pirates and swordfights. Thus, when Peter offers to take her and her brothers away to his home, Neverland, where they can always play and have fun and never grow old, she’s more than happy to embark on the adventure of a lifetime. She gets more than for which she bargained when she and her brothers fall right in the middle of Peter’s ongoing war with the brutal, evil, and vicious pirate, Captain James Hook (Jason Isaacs).

The 2003 film version of Peter Pan is the first English language version in which a male actor played the part of Peter Pan, and that isn’t the only place where the film veers from stage and screens of Pan past. But that doesn’t matter; Peter Pan is a very good fantasy/adventure film. Like the original Pan tales by author J.M. Barrie, this film has a dark undercurrent, though this one is a bit darker in tone, a bit nastier in character conflict, and has a not too slight sexual undertone, as well as being more violent.

From a technical standpoint, the film is gorgeous, from its set decoration and art direction to the costume design and cinematography. I don’t know how well it will appeal to younger viewers, and I don’t think they will understand some of the adult themes, or even be interested, but it’s very good film for the older teen and adult audience that likes fantasy films. What co-writer/director P.J. Hogan (My Best Friend’s Wedding) has managed to do is simultaneously be true (for the most part) to the spirit of the original story and modernize it for a broader audience, both young and old. It’s one glaring weakness is that the script sacrifices the other characters for the sake of a single-minded focus on the triangle of Pan, Hood, and Wendy. Hogan, however, deals with that triangle so well that we can forgive him when his film is such a good time.

7 of 10
A-

Review: "Kill Bill: Volume 1" is Still a Killer

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 152 (of 2003) by Leroy Douresseaux

Kill Bill: Volume 1 (2003)
Running time: 111 minutes (1 hour, 51 minutes)
MPAA – R for strong bloody violence, language and some sexual content
WRITER/DIRECTOR: Quentin Tarantino
PRODUCER: Lawrence Bender
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Robert Richardson (D.o.P.)
EDITOR: Sally Menke
COMPOSER: The RZA
BAFTA Awards nominee

ACTION/CRIME/MARTIAL ARTS/THRILLER

Starring: Uma Thurman, David Carradine, Lucy Liu, Daryl Hannah, Vivica A. Fox, Michael Madsen, Michael Parks, James Parks, Sonny Chiba, Chiaki Kuriyama, Julie Dreyfus, and Chia Hui Liu

The subject of this movie review is Kill Bill: Volume 1, a 2003 martial arts and action film from writer/director Quentin Tarantino. It is the first of two films that were released within several months of each other. The film follows a character called “The Bride,” who is seeking revenge against her former colleagues.

If there was much doubt that Quentin Tarantino could still make not just good movies, but great movies, Kill Bill: Volume 1 should dispel that doubt, unless the doubters are just being contrary. That Kill Bill is one of the most violent, if not the most violent, American films ever made is very certain. Only time will tell if Kill Bill Vol. 1 is the best American action movie ever made, but it is the best and most thrilling film since James Cameron abruptly reshaped thrills and intensity of movies with Aliens.

In the film, The Bride (Uma Thurman) awakes from a coma in which she’d been in for four years. It has been four years since her fellow assassins of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad killed her husband and wedding party at a small church in Texas. Her boss, Bill (David Carradine), however, did the honor of shooting The Bride, showing no mercy even though she was late in her obvious pregnancy. Bill’s biggest mistake was that he didn’t kill her, and now The Bride is out to Kill Bill. Before Bill, she has scores to settle with two of her colleagues, Copperhead (Vivica A. Fox) and Cottonmouth, now known as O-Ren Ishi (Lucy Liu), and a Yakuza crime boss in Tokyo.

Tarantino reportedly shot so much footage for Kill Bill that he and the studio Miramax Films ultimately decided to divide the film into two parts. One of Tarantino’s signature techniques is to juxtapose time in his scripts, dividing his films into self-contained chapters that are complete little short stories on their own. Each chapter fits in quite well with the larger film story and embellishes it so very well.

Kill Bill isn’t so much about the story as it is about the technique of making film. Tarantino basically asks his audience to go along with this long homage to Asian cinema, in particular martial arts epics and crime films. He mixes film genres with varied visual styles of films, and in that his cinematographer Robert Richardson (an Academy Award winner for Oliver Stone’s JFK) ably assists. At times, Kill Bill is totally about what the film stock looks like – the colors, the lack of color, grittiness, glossiness, etc.

This is a film geek’s film – the kind of genre film a big fan of a particular genre would like to make as well as see, and Tarantino makes it so well. Kill Bill is a grand time. For fans of martial arts films who loved the elaborate fight scenes in movies like The Matrix and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, the master fight choreographer who worked on both films, Yuen Wo-Ping, worked with Tarantino on the heart-stopping and eye-popping fights in Kill Bill.

Tarantino gets the most out of all his crew. The RZA (of hip hop act Wu-Tang Clan fame) composes a brilliant, genre-crossing, ear-bending score that recalls the sounds and tunes of classic gangster, Western, martial arts, and crime cinema classics. Shout outs also go to the art and costume departments.

Kill Bill is without a doubt great cinema about cinema, and it’s excellent entertainment. By no means perfect, it does dry up on occasion and even seems a bit long. There were also too many bits obviously thrown in to accommodate the next chapter. Still, the fault lines don’t matter because Kill Bill is so damn fine. Action movie lovers and lovers of great filmmaking cannot miss this because Kill Bill Volume 1 is that proverbial good movie about which people are always complaining Hollywood doesn’t make anymore.

9 of 10
A+

NOTES:
2004 BAFTA Awards: 5 nominations: “Anthony Asquith Award for Film Music”(RZA); “Best Achievement in Special Visual Effects” (Tommy Tom, Kia Kwan, Tam Wai, Kit Leung, Hin Leung, and Jaco Wong), “Best Editing” (Sally Menke), “Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role” (Uma Thurman), and “Best Sound” (Michael Minkler, Myron Nettinga, Wylie Stateman, and Mark Ulano)

2004 Black Reel Awards: 1 nominee: “Best Supporting Actress” (Vivica A. Fox)

2004 Golden Globes, USA: 1 nomination: “Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama” (Uma Thurman)

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Review: "The Return of the King" is a Crowning Achievement

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 178 (of 2003) by Leroy Douresseaux

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Running time: 201 minutes (3 hours, 21 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for intense epic battle sequences and frightening images
DIRECTOR: Peter Jackson
WRITERS: Frances Walsh, Philippa Boyens, and Peter Jackson (from the novel by J.R.R. Tolkien)
PRODUCERS: Peter Jackson, Barrie M. Osborne, and Fran Walsh
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Andrew Lesnie (D.o.P.)
EDITOR: Jamie Selkirk
COMPOSER: Howard Shore
Academy Award winner including “Best Picture”

FANTASY/ACTION/ADVENTURE

Starring: Elijah Wood, Ian McKellan, Viggo Mortensen, Sean Astin, Orlando Bloom, Liv Tyler, Hugo Weaving, Billy Boyd, Cate Blanchett, Dominic Monaghan, Miranda Otto, John Rhys-Davies, Andy Serkis, David Wenham, Paul Norell, Lawrence Makoare, and Alan Howard (voice)

The subject of this movie review is The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, a 2003 fantasy film from director Peter Jackson. The film is the third of three movies based on J.R.R. Tolkien’s three-novel cycle, The Lord of the Rings (1954-55), specifically the first book, The Return of the King (1955).

The Rings trilogy ends with The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, a magnificent epic of war, romance, honor, loyalty, and salvation. Although I view it as the least of the three films, ROTK is quite entertaining – at many moments, spectacularly so. Anyone who loved the first two pictures will certainly love this finale.

Most of the former Fellowship of the Ring: the man who would be king Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen), the elfin archer Legolas (Orlando Bloom), the wizard Gandalf (Ian McKellan), Gimli (John Rhys-Davies), and the Hobbits – Pippin (Billy Boyd) and Merry (Dominic Monaghan) gather in preparation for the final battle in the defense of Middle Earth. They join the people of Rohan to aid Gondor in a ferocious battle to save the human royal city of Minas Tirith. Meanwhile, Gollum leads the other two hobbits – Sam (Sean Astin) and the bearer of the One Ring, Frodo (Elijah Wood), to Mount Doom. The Hobbits are unaware of the treacherous path upon which Gollum leads them; he is the former owner of the One Ring and seeks to destroy the Hobbits so that he may regain possession of the Ring. As Frodo and Sam approach Mount Doom, the birth place of the Ring and the only place where it can be destroyed, the good guys gather at the Black Gates for a battle against the bad guys as the evil eye of Sauron searches for the One Ring, the object that will restore Sauron to Middle Earth.

Although ROTK is certainly a fine film, it has an air about it of being a story that’s run too long. Much of what makes The Lord of the Rings so endearing, the pageantry, the epic scope, the romantic soliloquies, the grand battles, the sweeping score, and the lead characters love for one another slowly creep towards self-parody. Thrilling speeches seem flat; fascinating fantastical creatures become comical. That maybe one reason director Peter Jackson cut the film to three hours and 20 minutes, as an earlier cut of the film had reportedly crept close to four and half hours in length.

Because the film story’s is so wonderful and engaging, I can overlook the flaws as ROTK wraps up LOTR. All aspects of the filmmaking is, for the most part, either excellent or very good: directing, acting, script, score, photography, visual effects, costume and set design. The one really great element of the film is it’s editing; that is what holds the film together even in the moments when it starts to tread the fine line between sublime and pure ridiculous.

In the end, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King is probably the best closing chapter of a trilogy since Return of the Jedi, and ROTK is, even with its blemishes, a technically superior effort to Jedi. It’s certainly better than The Matrix Revolutions, so I’ll be happy that The Return of the King is a tremendously satisfying conclusion and heartily recommend it.

8 of 10
A

NOTES:
2004 Academy Awards: 11 wins: “Best Picture” (Barrie M. Osborne, Peter Jackson, and Fran Walsh), “Best Art Direction-Set Decoration” (Grant Major-art director, Dan Hennah-set decorator, and Alan Lee-set decorator), “Best Costume Design” (Ngila Dickson and Richard Taylor), “Best Director” (Peter Jackson), “Best Film Editing” (Jamie Selkirk), “Best Makeup” (Richard Taylor and Peter King), “Best Music, Original Score” (Howard Shore), “Best Music, Original Song” (Fran Walsh, Howard Shore, and Annie Lennox for the song "Into the West"), “Best Sound Mixing” (Christopher Boyes, Michael Semanick, Michael Hedges, and Hammond Peek), “Best Visual Effects” (Jim Rygiel, Joe Letteri, Randall William Cook, and Alex Funke), and “Best Writing, Adapted Screenplay” (Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, and Peter Jackson)

2004 BAFTA Awards: 5 wins: “Best Film” (Barrie M. Osborne, Fran Walsh, and Peter Jackson), “Audience Award, “Best Achievement in Special Visual Effects” (Joe Letteri, Jim Rygiel, Randall William Cook, and Alex Funke), “Best Cinematography” (Andrew Lesnie), and “Best Screenplay – Adapted” (Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, and Peter Jackson); 9 nominations: “Anthony Asquith Award for Film Music” (Howard Shore), “BAFTA Children's Award Best Feature Film” (Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh, and Barrie M. Osborne), “Best Costume Design” (Ngila Dickson and Richard Taylor), “Best Editing” (Jamie Selkirk), “Best Make Up/Hair” (Richard Taylor, Peter King, and Peter Owen), “Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role” (Ian McKellen), “Best Production Design” (Grant Major), “Best Sound” (Ethan Van der Ryn, Mike Hopkins, David Farmer, Christopher Boyes, Michael Hedges, Michael Semanick, and Hammond Peek) and “David Lean Award for Direction” (Peter Jackson)

2004 Golden Globes, USA: 4 wins: “Best Director - Motion Picture” (Peter Jackson), “Best Motion Picture – Drama” “Best Original Score - Motion Picture” (Howard Shore), and “Best Original Song - Motion Picture” “Howard Shore, Fran Walsh, and Annie Lennox for the song "Into the West")

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Review: "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" is Anything But Extraordinary (Happy B'day, Alan Moore?)

TRASH IN MY EYE No. 108 (of 2003) by Leroy Douresseaux

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)
Running time: 110 minutes (1 hour, 50 minutes)
MPAA – PG-13 for intense sequences of fantasy violence, language and innuendo
DIRECTOR: Stephen Norrington
WRITER: James Dale Robinson (based upon the comic book by Alan Moore and Kevin O’Neill)
PRODUCERS: Trevor Albert and Don Murphy
CINEMATOGRAPHER: Dan Laustsen (D.o.P.)
EDITOR: Paul Rubell
COMPOSER: Trevor Jones

SCI-FI/FANTASY/ACTION/ADVENTURE/THRILLER

Starring: Sean Connery, Naseeruddin Shah, Peta Wilson, Tony Curran, Stuart Townsend, Shane West, Jason Flemyng, Richard Roxburgh, Terry O’Neill, and Tom Goodman-Hill

The subject of this movie review is The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, a 2003 superhero film directed by Stephen Norrington (Blade). The film is based on the six-issue comic book series, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Volume One (1999-2000), written by Alan Moore (Watchmen) and drawn Kevin O’Neill.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen may have an unusual name, and the advertising for the film may leave you dumbfounded, wondering just what the heck this film is about. Don’t fret. The plot is not that important. LXG (the title abbreviation, a thing that is so trendy and important for action films these days) is a simple, lumbering beast that is mildly entertaining, if you set your sights low enough. It’s not the dumbest of action pictures, and maybe it isn’t at all dumb, just not special, but it could have been. Sadly, it’s a by-the-numbers rendition of a concept that could have been so much smarter and more unique than most summer movies, but director Stephen Norrington and screenwriter James Dale Robinson, a former comic book writer, stay the course and make a standard action thriller that’s set in a non-standard action movie world.

It’s 1899; the British Empire is in trouble, and the rest of the European powers with it. The colonialist, imperialists bastards, it would serve them right to die for the genocide and cultural destruction they reigned across their empires in the Americas, Africa, and Asia. However, for the sake of the movie, the British crown and Europe must be preserved lest millions of innocent lives be destroyed, at least, that’s what the protagonists keep telling the audience. It seems an evil warmonger named The Phantom is using advanced weaponry like tanks to ferment war fever. Mycroft Holmes (Richard Roxburgh), some high muckity-muck in the circles of British power gathers a band of special people to battle the Phantom. Mycroft wants to form a league, and the special people he gathers for his team are people we, who read a fair bit, will recognize as famous literary characters from the 1800’s.

The leader of the group is the adventurer, Allan Quatermain (Sean Connery), the same character Richard Chamberlain played in two 1980’s movies. A hero of turn-of-the-century English fiction, Quatermain was kind of a precursor to Indiana Jones. Other literary characters who spring to life in this film are Mina Harker (Petra Wilson) from Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Captain Nemo (Naseeruddin Shah) of Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, Dorian Gray (Stuart Townsend) from writer Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray, Doctor Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde (Jason Flemyng) of the famous novel of the same name, and Rodney Skinner (Tony Curran), a man who is invisible like the character from The Invisible Man. The studio added Tom Sawyer, Mark Twain’s famous juvenile, who is now an adult and a Secret Service agent. Together they form The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

The movie is pretty much a standard thriller with lots (and I do mean lots) of explosions and gunfire. It all seems a bit out of place. LXG is really a period adventure, set in the 19th Century with lots of 19th Century architecture and lavish period costumes. With all these literary characters, you’d think that the film would have been a little more thoughtful and imaginative. In the end, the story is so much like other noisy movies. LXG is based on the comic book The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen by Alan Moore and Kevin O’Neill, and that comic stood out because it was so different from other comics featuring heroes with special powers, knowledge, or abilities. Obviously, the comic’s uniqueness and concept wowed Fox Studios, so what do they do? They buy the film rights to the comic and promptly turn it into another pedestrian fast food film for the fickle masses.

These characters might be called “extraordinary,” but they are really quite dull and mundane. Allen Quatermain is so boring that it’s best to ignore the character. Just think of the League as seven freaks and Sean Connery dressed in raggedy clothing. Take The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen for what it is and not for what it could have been; in the end, I liked it the way I sometimes like trashy food. Dog knows I went in expecting so very little. It’s clear the director and writer were too clueless to do something special, but even the heavy handed predictability can be entertaining at times, about as often as not, just another movie that’s a not too painful way to kill two hours.

4 of 10
C

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